


Love Is Blind, But Our Lady Of Sorrows Isn’t

by shotgunSinner



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: 1920s, Aftercare, Alcohol, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Prohibition Era, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Being Walked In On, Blow Jobs, Blushing, Bottom Gerard Way, Boys Kissing, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Church Sex, Churches & Cathedrals, Cigarettes, Clothed Sex, Cocaine, Complete, Corsetry, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Gerard Way, Drinking, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Embarrassment, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, French Kissing, Gay Sex, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Historical Accuracy, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hopeful Ending, Innocent Frank Iero, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Light Bondage, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Bites, M/M, Morning After, Naked Cuddling, Oral Sex, Period-Typical Homophobia, Plot, Post-Coital Cuddling, Prohibition, Prostitute Gerard Way, Prostitution, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Riding, Sad, Sad and Happy, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sharing a Bed, Slang, Slurs, Smoking, Smut, Speakeasies, Spit As Lube, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, Thighs, Top Frank Iero, Touching, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Withdrawal, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shotgunSinner/pseuds/shotgunSinner
Summary: Sex with a prostitute was never something Frank hoped to pursue. His high-society life spirals out of control into a world of jazz, booze, and drugs. And it’s all thanks to some black-haired beauty who can’t help himself. Frank struggles to understand and questions everything he knows about morality and Catholicism.(Third-person, but switches between Frank’s and Gerard’s perspectives)
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Gerard Way & Mikey Way
Comments: 27
Kudos: 108





	1. Perfect One Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> My first MCR fic :) I was a little guilty to write this, but once I started, the words just kept coming to me, and here we are!!
> 
> I love the vibe of the 1920s, so this is actually my second fic in that era uwu. Do be mindful of the period-typical homophobia!
> 
> Update: [ Here’s the playlist I’ve made](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5K1F0H3tFSvb7bvM9vY62w?si=Brr3UWoBQN-wy2KEQ9H6Xw) :)

_ Twenty. I’m twenty, _ Was the first thought to cross Frank’s mind as he awoke that morning. It felt mundane at the time, but now his nerves were on fire, buzzing with every step he took. It was probably for the best he was alone in this endeavour, but his dread was undeniable.

His father had waved him off cheerily as though this were some daring expedition. In reality, he was trudging off to the best club in town. “Best” being the word chosen specifically by his father to describe more than just the atmosphere or the alcohol...

The Iero family placed a large emphasis on marriage. Eligible bachelors were married off in their twenties, but that of course wasn’t before one equally important step. One he hadn’t been informed of until the previous night. As if he wasn’t dreading the prospect of marriage enough, his heart threatened to give up on his pulse altogether when his father gleefully enlightened him. Frank had tried to explain times were changing and since the Great War had ended, marriage didn’t mean much.

_ One night there and then a lifetime of marriage, _ Frank bemoaned internally,  _ Just one night. _ Knowing the patriarchs of his family took pride in this ritual was repulsive enough to make him want to spin on his heel and go home, but he could never bear that shame. Though, he did find himself weighing that shame against the anxiety of losing his virginity to some nameless whore, and on his father’s dime, no less.

Frank’s destination was rapidly nearing. He wasn’t sure what made the place so great or noteworthy, but despite the modest architecture, the place seemed unashamed of what it was, which Frank found hard to believe. It stood out an odd amount, even considering the shady district of the city he found himself in. Weren’t these places supposed to be more covert? With alcohol being illegal, the clubbing scene was hardly thriving, at least it wasn’t thriving in the light. From his experience in passing, these establishments were seedy and trickier to spot. The club he was instructed to visit was likely afforded some more reputability with the hush money the Ieros provided. Frank wondered if the city itself knew about the arrangement, but that thought was but a fleeting attempt to distract himself. There was no way the club could get away with this if any government was aware.

Frank slowed his pace to avoid the gaze of the few passerbys still travelling about the streets and pulled his overcoat tightly around himself. It fought back the cutting autumn chill and granted him an air of anonymity. Despite the paranoid urge in his mind to watch those around him, he kept his eyes trained on the front doors. He blinked with surprise as they were suddenly illuminated by a sconce on either side. As the late afternoon dripped into the early evening, shadows swelled on every corner, but the flickering of the lamps kept the dark at bay. Soon the street lamps were clicking on, but that only made the shadows darker. Even still, there were always worse things to fear than the dark. 

His hand hesitated over the doorknob, but he took a deep breath and pulled it open. He was greeted by the sight of a cheaply lit pharmacy. Did he misread the sign? He didn’t even recall seeing a sign out front…

“Ya look frazzled, kid,” the man behind the counter chuckled, “what can I get ya?”

“I– I think I’ve come to the wrong place…” Frank mumbled, glancing around the room. The wooden shelves lined with tins and glass bottles were a far cry from the scene he expected, even though he had never visited a club before.

“What were ya expectin’?” The druggist snorted, sliding a cigarette out of a tin in his pocket. He lit it and took a short drag as Frank shuffled about in front of the door. “Ya here for the special?”

“Oh, uh, I’m not here to buy anythin’. I must have stepped through the wrong doors.” He gave a small chuckle and spun around to leave.

“You’re killin’ me, kid,” the man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Huh?”

“I’ll be straight with ya, kid. You’re here for the juice, aren't ya?”

“Uh…” The alcohol that would no doubt be involved was another daunting part of this task. Frank had never drank before, but his father couldn’t expect him to go through with this totally sober. “Yes?”

“First time, huh?” The man hummed as he shifted away from the counter. He motioned to the door behind him. “C’mon.”

“You have no idea,” Frank grumbled, following him. They passed through a small backroom of extra stock before meeting a red velvet curtain.

“Don’t make a fool of yourself, kid,” the druggist warned jovially, “Exit through the alley and keep ya eyes peeled. Coppers can tell when you’re wobblin’ like a tightrope walker, yeah?”

“Thanks for the advice.” He nodded graciously as the other man pulled back the curtain. Frank stepped inside and knew immediately he was where he was supposed to be. It almost felt right.

The sultry warble of jazz filled his ears as a wreath of smoke danced low over the patrons’ heads. The lights were low, but didn’t falter like they did in the front room. Everything seemed to glow like fireflies suspended in a fog bank. Frank was transfixed by it all, which, despite the busy room, didn’t go entirely unnoticed.

“Ya gonna just stand there and goggle all night, sport?” A girl giggled, taking a drag of her cigarette as she passed by.

“There somethin’ better to goggle at?” He shot back with a smirk. He was used to playing off his pounding heart, but didn’t mean anything by it. Sure, she was attractive, but he didn’t mean to flirt and preferred to ignore his main reason for being there for a little bit.

Along one wall stood the immaculate marble counter of a bar where several bartenders moved back and forth to serve the bustling crowd. The other side of the massive room was lined with circular red velvet booths, offering slight privacy to those clearly well-off. Nestled between both halves lay a dance floor dotted with tables and chairs. But what really caught Frank’s eye, though, was the stage. Raised above all else it’s polished wooden surface gleaned as brightly as the trumpets humming an upbeat rhythm.

“You must be Mr. I– Damn, I have no idea how to say that,” A woman huffed, twirling a pen in her fingers as she approached Frank.

“Iero,” he clarified, smiling slightly at her struggle. He was sure his father had said he would have his pick of the woman, but he wouldn’t complain if she had been chosen for him.

“I’ll take your coat for you,” she offered, sticking an arm out, “You’ve got a booth reserved tonight.”

“O-oh,” he responded, surprised. He honestly didn’t expect this much forethought. As much as he didn’t want to go through with this still, he briefly considered thanking his father. He quickly decided against it, though. His doubts about everything weighed heavily on his mind and no small gesture of kindness could waive them.

She curled her fingers gesturing for his coat which he quickly shelled off and handed over.

“Thanks,” he hummed and as she briskly led him to his booth. He grinned at how close to the stage he found himself.

“Shall I send someone over or leave you to it?”

“I’ll be fine on my own, thanks.”

“Alright.” She hung his coat up on a nearby coat rack, nodded to him, and disappeared into the crowd.

A little folded card had been placed on the table, signifying in curvy script that it was reserved for the night. Frank wasn’t worried about the table being taken by someone else anyway, but it felt alarmingly awkward to sit alone. He wrung his hands and stood up, deciding to indulge in some liquid courage. 

“What’ll it be?” The bartender asked sharply, pausing in his flurry of glasses and bottles to face Frank who had slid onto a barstool.

He shrugged, “Whatever everyone else’s havin’.” He knew it was a vague answer, but he had no clue what anything would taste like.

“Gin’s the go-to gigglewater ‘round town. Ya new here or somethin’, kid?”

“Somethin’ like that,” Frank agreed with a polite smile.

“Here ya go.”

“Thanks.” He picked up the glass and studied it for a moment before taking a hesitant sip. The flavour was peculiar, but he hid his distaste best he could. He knew he already stood out, not to mention how everyone was calling him “kid”. Well, he couldn’t have expected to look completely mature the second he turned eighteen.

“Hey~” A new voice cooed, dropping down onto the stool next to him.

“H-Hi,” Frank replied, looking up from absentmindedly swirling the contents of his glass.

“Bittersweet, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“The gin,” she giggled.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “yeah, I guess it is.”

“Mine’s sweeter,” she hummed, hand creeping closer to his that lay beside his glass on the bar, “Wanna taste?” She lifted her own glass with her other hand, tilting it toward him.

“No, thanks,” Frank replied, keeping a polite smile on his face.

“You sure, hun? It’s real good…”

“I’m sure it is.”

“Or would you rather somethin’ better?”

“Uh, my own drink is good enough, thanks.”

“Oh, c’mon, hun,” she whined playfully, “I’ve got no doubt I can make it worth whatever you got.”

“Huh?”

“It’s cute when they play dumb, but I can tell you can afford to play dumb,” she giggled to herself.

Frank was confused, but something told him she was insulting him. But then again he knew this place would be a hotspot for prostitutes. That was, of course, the main focus of his presence that night. Were all prostitutes like this? He began to doubt himself immediately after wondering. What if she was just some random woman? How could he tell prostitutes apart from patrons? Was there some sort of code word? She did seem to mention money and–

“Liz, honey, he’s not interested,” a new voice snickered lightly.

The woman turned to her other side to scowl at the commenter. “And you think you could do better? If he ain’t champin’ at the bit for me, what makes you think a fag like you’s got a shot?”

The young man merely rolled his eyes. “You’re just getting hot under the collar ‘cause you’re coming down. Maybe you should go get something for that?”

“Fuck you,” she hissed slinking away, her half-empty glass still glinting on the bar.

The stranger shifted into the seat next to Frank and sighed lightly. “Sorry about her, love. She seems to think she’s some hotshot, but tonight really hasn’t been her night. I’d say you gave her the icy mitt, but none of these broads are into you. Don’t believe a word they say; it’s all horsefeathers.” He gave a light giggle and took a swig of her abandoned drink. He grimaced and slid the glass away. “Damn, she wasn’t kidding when she said it was sweet.” He motioned to the bartender for a new glass.

Frank watched all of this wide-eyed shock. The only control he had in that moment was to take a sip of his own drink, but the taste was lost on him. It was purely mechanical, an action he performed robotically just to appear human as he gawked. As if the other’s intense eyes weren’t enough, he was wearing a dress. The skirt flared from his waist, ending just above his knees. When the light caught it, the black fabric shimmered with hints of red.

“I’m Gerard,” he introduced himself with a smile, tucking a loose strand of black hair behind his ear, “but you can call me Gee. And you are?”

“Frank,” he squeaked back, hand trembling as he set his glass down.

“Oh, we don’t have to shake hands, love,” Gerard snorted, watching how the other moved to do so. Frank awkwardly dropped his hand back onto the countertop.

“You okay?” The younger man asked, cocking his head, “Didn’t expect you to be zozzled already. Liz get to you that fast?”

“I– uh–” Frank ribbed the back of his neck, cheeks heating up a little as he reeled for words. This close to the other he could see he was clearly just a boy. Unless his face was just extremely deceptive. It was difficult to pinpoint with his rouged lips and the dark kohl rimming his eyes.

“Everything okay, Frankie?”

“Everything’s jake,” he replied with a tense smile. His cheery façade was beginning to slip away.

Gerard nodded appreciatively to the bartender as he took a swig from the new drink. “Much better,” he commented with a smile, reaching into his dress to fish out payment.

“I’ve got it,” Frank interjected, sliding a few bills across the counter to cover both their drinks. “Ooh, what a gentleman,” Gerard swooned teasingly. He tipped his head for a refill as Frank took the final swig of his gin. The man opened his mouth to thank him, but shut it when he remembered he was the one paying for it.

“Sorry,” Gerard hummed, “I can tell you’re a little on edge. Confused, I can assume? Haven’t seen a cat in a dress before? I’m not surprised, honestly.” Had it not been for his unusual voice, Frank knew he would have mistaken the other for a woman.

“I’m no dame, but nice to be treated like one,” Gerard laughed warmly, “You wanna go find a table?”

“I’ve got a booth, actually.”

“Damn, didn’t realize you were some big shot sheik.”

“Not really,” Frank chuckled back, ““Big shot” is more my father’s schtick.”

“Ah, so daddy’s footing the bill? That must be nice.”

The man shrugged noncommittally, taking a sip of his drink and standing up from the bar.

“What no arm for me to hang off of?” Gerard prodded with a smirk.

“As swell as you seem, that’s not really my game.”

The younger man cocked an eyebrow, crossing his arms as he stood up, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you're being a bit of a vamp that’s not really what I’m here for…” He began weaving away back to his booth. He wasn’t entirely certain the other would follow, but he hoped he would. Even if he was strange, he seemed to be good company.

Frank felt someone grab his hand as he stepped to his booth. He spun around, flashing a relieved smile when it was just Gerard.

“I get it, Frankie. You don’t want all talk and nothing else, right?” The younger male sat down next to him, inching closer as he continued to speak. “I’m good at backing my words up. I’m not just some bunny, you know. So maybe you wanna give it a shot?”

“I–”

“Hold that thought. I gotta breeze, but I’ll be right back, okay, love?”

“Sure.”

“Think about it~” Gerard singsonged before drifting off into the sea of bodies.

_ No way _ , Frank decided. There was no way he would even consider what twisted offer the other was presenting him. He was there for one reason only and yet every woman he had spoken too was gone in a flash. If natural flirting (or his horrible excuse for it) wasn’t enough, then he would simply have to find a prostitute and deal with his dilemma that way. His father was certain he had enough cash on him ‘to convince any woman in New Jersey to sleep with him’. Not that Frank’s self-esteem cares much for that phrasing.

Still, as he glanced around the mass of people, he had no luck in picking out prostitutes from regular female patrons. He couldn’t even be certain there was a distinction. Gerard seemed to understand, but maybe that was because he seemed to be in the same… field of work. Maybe it was worth keeping him around for that? But Frank didn’t want to use him–not in any manner; it just seemed rude.

“Sorry for the wait,” Gerard apologized, sliding into the booth next to the other, “Did you miss me?”

“‘Course,” Frank answered with a smile. He became a man today, and he would stay the same moral person he always was. That was what he decided as he chose his words with a polite amount of enthusiasm.

“So where do we stand on my offer? I prefer payment upfront, but I suppose we can talk money later. I’d make the exception for you.” That confirmed Frank’s suspicions about the younger man.

“Well, actually I’ve elected to be honest with you.”

“Not quite the answer I was expecting…” Gerard hummed with a pleasant, albeit confused face as he thumbed his nose.

“Hush money’s the only reason I can show my face here,” Frank chuckled, running his fingers through his dark hair, “but my father’s real hung up on somethin’... I’m here to, uh, meet someone, but I’m not great with picking people–er, broads, really–outta crowds.”

“You’re looking for someone specific?”

“Not exactly. It sounds pretty low of me, but really any broad’ll do. I got the cash for it if need be.”

“You don’t even wanna give me a chance?” Gerard asked, batting doe-eyed lashes at him as he set a hand on his arm. Something about that and the slight pout of his lips made Frank’s chest tighten–but not really in a bad way. The sensation was confusing, but since he couldn’t tear his eyes away, the younger man took it as a positive reaction.

Gerard took a small sip of his drink before leaning in closer. The outside of their thighs touched as he pressed up against the other.

“This ain’t a good idea.”

“Why? No one’s watching and I don’t bite–well, unless you want me to.” He waggled his eyebrows then snorted gently, knowing it must have looked stupid.

“No, no you’re misunderstandin’,” Frank explained with a strained chuckle. He pulled his arm back and slid against the back of the circular booth, away from him. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t done that already.

“No, I get it. You’re looking for some cheap whore so you can get off and that somehow’ll make your daddy happy.”

“Basically, yeah.”

Gerard sniffed and sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Tell me again why you want me around? ‘Cause if you were really saying no to me, I’m sure I’d be on the ground with a bloody nose by now.”

“Why would that be the case? Folks just say no, right?”

“Most fellas say no with their fists. Think I’m some insult to their pride. But that’s not important. I’ve already wasted some of my night with you for free, so I’d appreciate it if you spat it out.”

Frank sighed, looking down and clutching his temple. His face was hot as formulated words in his head. Aside from silently wiping at his nose, Gerard waited patiently for his answer. When Frank met his eyes again, he was glancing around frantically, those his face showed no other signs of panic.

“You okay?” Frank hazarded.

“Huh? Yeah,” he answered with a slight twitch as he focused on the older man again.

“I just need to find some dame to hook up with so I can go home. Trouble is I can’t tell who’s, uh, for hire.” He tried to put it lightly.

“If this is what your daddy’s hung up on,” Gerard hummed, downing his drink, “just lie and save yourself the hassle. At this point, just get completely ossified and get home by sunup and he’ll never know.”

Frank had been considering the idea of lying since he had heard what he had to do, but worried he might let the truth slip. Or maybe his father wouldn’t believe him. Or maybe it was all a test and he was  _ supposed  _ to refuse. But he knew he was overthinking things.

“Or,” Gerard continued, his voice that sweet hum again, “you could get this over with  _ me _ and I’ll make it worth your while? Might even give you a discount?” He grabbed the other’s tie and leaned in close. Frank could see his pupils blown wide, making him look almost ravenous.

Frank didn’t realize he was cringing until the dark-haired man pulled away completely and sighed. He leaned forward, elbows on the table, eyes abandoning Frank in favour of staring into the crowd.

“It’s just… I really shouldn’t… it’s a sin, ya know?”

“Because coming here in the first place is real high and fucking mighty,” Gerard grumbled as the other noticed his leg bouncing under the table.

“Tell me,” Frank began softly, swallowing his guilt along with the last of his drink, “How would this even play out? It’s not like anythin’ could be done right in this booth. It’s a little private, sure, but hardly enough for anythin’, uh, frisky.”

The younger man cast an intrigued side-eyed glance at the other. “Some pick the alley,” he explained smoothly, “but there’s better places if you know  _ people _ .”

“Like?” He prompted, sitting slightly more forward. He was genuinely curious, but the nagging regret of even sticking around this boy this long was messing with his head.

“There’s areas that really are private if you’ve got a good word in with the owner.”

“Do you?”

“‘Course I do. I’d bet good money the owner thinks I’m just an ugly dame, but I’ll take it ‘cause it’s a good deal,” Gerard replied enthusiastically, rubbing his nose as he sat back. He was close to the other again, but left a slight gap between them. “Have I piqued your interest, Frankie?”

No buzz in Frank’s head was stronger than the panic and fear and guilt that was screaming at him to leave.

“Oh, c’mon, Frankie, you’re killing me!” Gerard huffed with a grin, feigning frustration.

“If I did agree,” he began tentatively, “you’d want the money upfront?”

“It’s customary, but you’ve been so sweet to me, it could wait till after if you really want.”

Frank hated that he was genuinely beginning to entertain the proposal. Paying after was an easy backdoor if he decided to chicken out before anything too serious happened.

“Alright,” Frank conceded, combing his hair back with his fingers as he shifted in his seat.


	2. Star-Crossed Lovers When We Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the previous chapter, but with some background on everyone’s favourite crossdressing beauty.

Gerard’s face lit up as he smiled at the other, his hand drifting over to his thigh. His own leg finally stopped bouncing under the table and he found himself tingling with genuine excitement. Well, it felt genuine, but he knew it would be foolish of him to really fall for that lie. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins, but he was used to that rush. It felt so real in the moment, it was just an easy excuse for euphoria. Easy, but not exactly cheap.

He could curse the state for trying to regulate it all he wanted, but he was the addict, so who was really to blame here? But all of these worries melted away whenever he stepped into a public bathroom armed with one of the only two things keeping him going lately. 

He hated how that classic story every parents warned their daughters of was true: you get addicted to cocaine and you become a whore. Gerard took odd satisfaction in the fact that at least he wasn’t a girl and had actually become a whore before the drugs.

Sure, everyone had to make a living, but not everyone found themselves on the streets at sixteen years-old with a dollar to their name. It was easy to resent his parents after they turned him out for something so innocent.

First, it had been catching him wearing a corset when his shirt had ridden up. By that point, he had been doing it on occasion for a few weeks, but it was impossible to defend himself to his parents. Their scorn lingered and his father began berating any minor thing he did that could be perceived as feminine or unorthodox. He would have walked out then had it not been for his younger brother who didn’t fully understand him, but never showed the contempt their parents did.

A few months later, they had been appalled to catch him flirting with a newsie on the street corner. It was damning evidence that made no amount of lying possible. It was the final nail in his brazenly homosexual coffin.

“Don’t bother coming home!” His father had barked before stalking off with his mother on his arm. She never even said a word. Though Gerard stood stiff with shock, rage creeping over him, he could make out his father’s parting words, grumbled under his breath: “My own son, a fag…”

He had wanted to screech, to do anything to release the ire bubbling under his skin, but he couldn’t. The only thing that held him back from doing something drastic was his brother. Had he still had any faith in God, he would have prayed for Mikey. As long as his parents didn’t ruin their other son’s life, Gerard would live on.

He turned to prostitution because it was easy money. Originally, most of his income went toward room and board, but what he could spare would be discreetly delivered to Mikey. If Gerard was going to suffer, at least he could hope for better for his younger brother.

That arrangement became trickier with time, though. When one generous client offered him a little something extra to celebrate the new year, how could he resist? He was already a pitiful mess using a pretty face to hide behind, so what did it matter that could forget all his problems for even a short while? Less and less money found its way to Mikey, but Gerard wouldn’t have been able to bear the shame of stopping that altogether.

When he came down that first time, he crashed. Hard. Apparently, his first experience with cocaine was quite pure. He spent the whole day after wallowing in his self-pity and chasing back nausea. But even after that initial hurdle, he couldn’t help but envy the girls all dolled up in the bathroom with their fingers to their noses. He was just some fag to them, but with a little financial coercion, he could float above it all with them.

The club was quick to sell off the druggist’s provided reserves. There was variety, but Gerard stuck to what he knew. He usually got sneers of “fag” hurled at him, but he always got his prize so it was easy to ignore.

He could have skipped the druggist’s line at the back of the room tonight. Frank was far from hard on the eyes, so there was no need for a distraction there, but if the gin didn’t last… He just couldn’t risk crashing and ruining his already tough odds with the man. He prided himself on spotting him in the first place, but his discomfort was palpable. Gerard suspected that was Liz’s doing, but after speaking to him, he realized it was everything about the scenario that created his unease.

So, he bought a gram and shuffled into the bathroom. The bathroom held no illusion of class that the rest of the club sought to uphold. Most people in there were hooking up or had come in directly from the druggist as well. Gerard snorted a bit with his finger, trying not to leave Frank waiting. He tucked the rest into the bodice of his dress, sniffing a few times in rapid succession as he left. He was sure to wipe his nose feverishly, ensuring no evidence remained for his potential client to spot.

Now, Gerard found himself sitting beside that man, glad to hear he would take him up on his proposal.

“So tell me, Frankie,” Gerard purred, his fingertips tracing ghostly circles on top of the other’s thigh, “what exactly were you looking for in a dame tonight? Anything some broad can do, I can do better.”

Frank had a doubtful smile on his face, but the younger man cut him off before he could speak.

“Oh, I know there’s a few minor things that can’t be helped… but don’t worry about that, love. Besides, if that really rubs you the wrong way, everything’s the same from behind.”

“Okay,” Frank squeaked, knowing his cheeks were bright red.

“Now, c’mon,” Gerard prompted with a gentle tap.

“I’m not really sure,” the other man confessed, his shoulders slumping a little, “I ain’t got much experience with broads. And none with guys. Should I pretend you’re a broad?”

“Whatever gets you through the night and doesn’t hurt that conscience of yours.” He gave a sweet smile, turning away for a second to wipe his nose. Frank stiffened up as the younger man moved to rest his head on his shoulder.

“You’re short,” he commented with a giggle, “It’s cute.”

“Thanks? That a bad thing?”

“Nah, just cute,” he hummed softly, toying mindlessly with the buttons of Frank’s vest.

“Maybe I’ll hit a growth spurt tonight for my birthday.”

“Oh, happy birthday, Frankie. Now, tell me what you want for your birthday.”

“I guess I don’t know… You have anythin’ in mind?”

“You seem like the romantic type. That’s why I’m taking it nice and slow with you.”

“This is slow?”

“Slow as it gets. It’d knock your socks off to see fast.”

Frank snorted in amusement.

“But I don’t mind one bit. It’s nice. Especially since you’ve got a head on your shoulders.”

“You’re too kind,” he replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

“What, you don’t want me to be?” Gerard teased, “‘Cause I can be a real ass if you’d prefer.”

“Aw,” Frank bemoaned with a small, fake frown, “and I was thinkin’ you already were.”

“I oughta slap you,” he gasped with feigned shock, pulling away sharply, “Now, c’mon. Let’s dance. I can’t sit still a moment longer.” He tugged on Frank’s arm urging him to follow.

“Really?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed, grinning as he glanced swiftly between the man and the dance floor.

“I’m not much of a dancer,” Frank told him, obliging him nonetheless and trailing behind by his arm.

“Don’t worry about that,” the other reassured him, “If no one can see I’m a guy, they won’t see your two left feet.”

Gerard wondered when it was that the other realized he was a man, but that thought was cut short like all the rest of his thoughts. As coherent as he seemed, his mind was really jumping from thought to thought in clipped flashes of information. His conversation with Frank in the booth had lasted no more than ten minutes, but had seemed to drag on for ages.

His skin was practically crawling from the way every touch rippled through his nerves. His leg had been bouncing, unable to manage the mounting anticipation. It kept him from being bored, but the luxury he was granting Frank of acclimating him to the situation with conversation just made Gerard antsier.

“Why do you look so surprised?” The younger man giggled, bouncing on the balls of his feet out of time with the music as he placed Frank’s hand on his waist.

“I dunno… Guess I expected some small talk?” He explained casually, hiding his sudden surprise at holding another man like this. His waist felt smaller than he would expected, having assumed the dress was just for the illusion of femininity. He wondered if he was actually wearing a corset underneath, but cut that train of thought off when he realized how scandalous it was becoming. He looked down as though figuring out where to place his feet to his cheeks, hot with shame.

“Don’t fuss about that. We’ve got all night.”

“Really?” He wondered aloud, watching as the other placed a hand on Frank’s shoulder and clasped their outstretched free hands.

Gerard hummed affirmatively, gazing warmly back at the other. “Unless you just want a quickie in the alley, but I was under the impression you wanted to do this in a… ritzier way.”

“Yeah, I definitely prefer the second option,” Frank confirmed with a nervous grin. 

“Then just shut it and dance with me,” he snapped teasingly.

The jazz was more intoxicating than the gin and just as fun as the drugs. Every beat was amplified in Gerard’s ears by the pounding of his heart. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead like powered diamonds on his pale skin.

The older man found it easier than expected to move in time with the music and his partner. Though he was surprised he hadn’t stepped on any toes with how his eyes locked with the other’s. Gerard kept his head tilted down, their foreheads nearly touching as they watched each other’s faces.

Gerard’s eyes were a muted hazel but the kohl around them made them glow. With his pupils blown wide, those irises were slim haloes of colour that Frank traced over and over again with his mind without becoming dizzy. It felt like he could never be worn out by this man’s face. He didn’t pay any mind to wonder why his pupils were dilated as such, instead subconsciously assuming it was just the lighting. All Gerard knew was that the other hadn’t commented on his wild-eyed stare. He did his best to veil it beneath his fluttering lashes.

As the piano hit a crescendo, Gerard hooked his leg around the other and guided him in dipping him. It was slightly awkward as the heels Gerard wore only increased the height difference. Still, Frank couldn’t mistake the other’s content sigh grazing his cheek once he was upright again.

“You’re a natural,” he hummed, closing his eyes.

“You don’t have to lie just to flatter me,” Frank breathed, “You've already got me in the palm of your hand.”

“That so?” He asked gently, cracking his eyes open to meet the other’s dreamy gaze.

“Yeah…”

Gerard pecked a quick kiss on his cheek. “Wanna be real sweet and grab me another drink, then? Maybe something strong for both of us?”

“Sure,” Frank agreed, gently releasing his grip on the other as they stepped away from the dance floor. 

“I’ll meet you back at the booth, Frankie.”

The man gaped as he strode toward the bar, his fingers grazing over his cheek where a smudge of red lingered.

Tucked into the back of the circular booth, Gerard tilted his head back and rubbed at his nose. It had nearly stopped running even though he stifled any sniffing while they danced. He knew he was starting to come down. What little time they had wasted with talking meant less of that rush when he would need it most.

He had sent Frank off to distract him for a moment and allow himself to fret in peace. Well, that and the fact he would be returning with alcohol. He had to quickly decide if he would do some more or see it through, hoping the alcohol was enough. He spotted Frank already returning from the bar and knew there was no time. Whatever booze he had in tow would have to suffice for tonight. Anything that could keep any sort of buzz going would hopefully do the trick.

“I figured you meant shots.” Frank smiled lightly as he sat down. “I just took whatever the bartender offered. I hope that’s alright.”

He took the small glass the older man handed him and raised it up to his.

“To the death of a bachelor,” he announced with a grin.

“To the death of a bachelor,” the other agreed, tapping their glasses together and downing the shot. It slid down his throat like liquid fire, but he flashed a confident smile nonetheless.

Gerard downed the shot with equal, if not more, enthusiasm. “You ready to blow this joint?”

“Think so.”

“Swell. Let’s go.” The younger man set his glass down on the table with a satisfying tap and grabbed Frank by the tie, pulling him away from the seat.

“W-woah,” he gasped at the abrupt tug.

“Cash or check?” Gerard breathed against his ear. The other could smell the alcohol on his breath, but it was nothing compared to the acrid taste of cigarette smoke already wafting through the room. He almost liked it, for it reminded him how close Gerard was. Close enough to be a sin. But even though he knew it was so wrong, a tiny part of him kept arguing it wasn’t.

“Check,” Frank answered meekly, surprising a part of himself. A kiss had sounded nice, for they always looked nice, but he fought to keep his doubt at the forefront of thoughts. This situation was still very much wrong. It was impossible to convince himself Gerard was a woman, but maybe if he kept repeating it, it would help?

“If I’m doing something you don’t like, just tell me to stop. But it sounds like someone’s shy,” the other teased, pouting his lip as he drew back slightly, “Or am I just not pretty enough?”

“You– You are pretty!” He protested, shutting his mouth seconds after. Gerard didn’t have an answer for that, but the coy smirk that his lips twisted into was unmistakable.

Was it a sin to call another man pretty? It felt like a blurred line Frank desperately needed put into focus. He had only meant it to avoid hurting the other’s feelings, but in hindsight it seemed unnecessary. Nothing seems to faze Gerard.

“You think I’m pretty,” Gerard finally singsonged after a moment of silence, breaking the other’s contemplation, “You really are the sweetest. You won’t be so tense once we’re alone together.”

“That’s nice to hear.”

Gerard pulled back and ran his fingers through his hair, missing the rush in his head that was dying so quickly. He offered a hand to help the other up.

“I wanted to give you a little something before we were off, but it’s fine if you wanna wait. You’re paying, so you’re the boss.”

“Sorry I’m such a shitty boss, then,” he snorted, taking his hand. They climbed out of the booth and Frank offered his arm to the other. The younger man happily accepted and lowered his voice as he instructed him.

“Just ankle over there.” He motioned to a roped-off door with a bouncer positioned beside it. “Try not to draw any attention.”

“Why?”

But Gerard didn’t answer, instead taking a step forward to urge the other on. Frank’s brow knitted with confusion, but he recovered and began heading in the indicated direction.

The man guarding the door regarded the pair with a bemused smirk. “Missed seein’ ya over here, Gee.”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile,” he replied flatly and mumbled his thanks as the man let them in.

“What was that about?”

“Just business stuff…”

“How so?” He pressed, probably against his better judgement.

“If you really must know, it’s been awhile since I’ve been back in here specifically.”

“The alley,” he hummed sagely, understanding what he meant, “You must feel pretty lucky to have met me then,” he teased flippantly.

“I’m the luckiest dame in the world,” he chuckled, nudging the other’s shoulder.

They were passing through a hallway that matched the rest of the club. The walls were lined with doors marked ‘occupied’, but the only sound coming from them was various muffled voices.

Gerard spotted an unoccupied door and pulled the older man inside. The new room was lowly lit like the rest of the club and had matching floors. The furniture consisted of a coffee table between two large, red couches in the middle of the room, occupying most of the floor space, with a table and two chairs situated off to the side.

“Are we supposed to be here?” Frank asked, shifting with visible unease.

“You wanna chicken out already?”

“No, it’s just we seem… out of place?”

“This isn’t exactly the main purpose of these rooms. It’s usually mob dealings.” Frank paled at that. “But if they can wash blood out of the upholstery, they can wash out anything else.”

Gerard pushed the other against the door and reached beside him to lock it. He hung his arms around his neck as the older man instinctively held onto his waist.

“So what’ll it be, Frankie?”

“Dunno. What do you normally do?”

“Depends on how long you’d like this to last. What would you do if I was just another broad?”

“Funny you should mention that.”

“Oh?”

“This is kinda, uh.” He cleared his throat. “My first time.”

“You’re In for a real treat, love,” he cooed, pecking a kiss on his other cheek to leave another mark opposite to the one from before. It was easy information to take in stride as Frank hadn’t exactly been displaying much aptitude so far.

“Cash okay now?” He murmured, his fingers dancing up into the other’s hair. “Some don’t like it too personal…”

But Frank hadn’t heard the second part. He was already nodding his head in small, feverish motion.

“Just relax,” Gerard sighed, holding the other’s head gently as he flashed a serene smile. The other was prepared to mumble acknowledgingly, but was cut off by the lips swiftly pressed against his. He copied the other in closing his eyes, but let him take the lead. Gerard was perfectly content to do so. It was a nice change of pace from other clients who could come across a bit more forceful. He ran his tongue along the other’s lips, guiding him to part them. The taste of gin was strong on each other’s tongues, but neither cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know I promised smut in this chapter, but it ended up being so incredibly long of a chapter that I had to split it half. Lucky for you, that means chapter three is queued to be posted tomorrow!


	3. Settle This Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank gets what he came here for, albeit with some reluctance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the smut chapter. I can’t guarantee the next chapters will be published as swiftly, but enjoy this in the meantime :)

Frank was peacefully compliant to the naked eye, but internally, his stomach was doing flips and his heart was racing at a pace beyond comprehension. He could feel the younger man radiating heat and it made his skin prickle strangely. 

“I said relax,” Gerard sighed pleasantly, pulling away, but leaving his fingers twined in his hair. The other gasped a little, his breath having caught in his throat. “You can touch me too, you know. It’s hard to fuck that up and it’s nicer than kissing a stiff board.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, you sap,” he huffed teasingly, pressing their foreheads together before going in for another kiss. Frank was more ready this time and tried his best to oblige the other’s request to relax. His hands ran up Gerard’s sides, then back down, uncertain where to rest, but ending up on his hips which he wiggled slightly as encouragement.

Gerard muttered incoherent words of praise against his lips as he let his head go. The other tilted his head away for a second to breathe, but eagerly returned to kissing him after. He began to move his own tongue a bit more, feeling a little guilty for making the other do all the work. Though, he was just trying to copy the younger man’s more skilled movements.

Meanwhile, Gerard’s fingers had trailed down to deftly undo the buttons of the older man’s vest. He helped him take it off, which Frank was thankful for as the heat building with help from their close proximity was getting quite uncomfortable. He let it drop to the floor, nudging it aside with his shoe.

The younger man started teasing his fingers around the rim of his collar, making him shiver. He broke the kiss to loosen Frank’s tie, impressed with the other’s growing eagerness. Frank was aware the other was watching his eyes, but he was distracted by his curiosity as his hand drifted down his chest. Gerard hooked a finger under the waistband of his pants with a smirk as he cupped the other’s cheek with his spare hand. “Eyes up here, love.”

Frank gave an obedient nod, feeling embarrassingly childish. The other kissed his jaw, pressing him firmly against the door with his body as he cupped the front of his pants. He swiftly undid his belt and began palming him through his underwear at a painstakingly slow pace. The older man felt his breath hitch as he grappled with both the sensation and the fact he was getting hard because of another man.

Frank’s fingers tensed against his hipbones, tempted to grab his ass, but unsure how polite that would be, regardless of gender. He just wanted to keep him close and block out his worry. It helped some that Gerard smelled so sweet and inviting. He hadn’t noticed in the sour air of the club, but here, where it was just the two of them, the sugary scent of perfume was intoxicating.

“Fuck, Gee...” the shorter man breathed out, his voice cracking slightly from nerves and disuse. The other gently swayed his hips before pulling his hand away the cradle Frank’s face in both hands. He smiled and pecked a kiss on his lips before wrapping his arms around his neck and gazing up into his eyes. The gesture could have looked romantic to any bystander.

“I could give you a show,” Gerard murmured huskily, resting his chin on the other man’s shoulder, “You could watch me prep myself and you wouldn’t have to do a thing. Then again, maybe you’re feeling a little braver now? You could help me if you wanna~”

“I don’t really know what you mean… I don’t know what I’m doin’, anyway…” It was embarrassing to admit, but his face couldn’t flush any darker, and if Gerard was judging him, he didn’t show it.

“Oh, I’m a great teacher. But I think you’d like me spread open for you.” He backed away and hopped up on the table, his fingers curled around the lip of the wood. He tilted his head down, speaking in a flirtatiously hushed voice through the strands of raven hair that fell across his face. “Fucking myself.” He toed off the heels he was wearing and lifted a leg, placing one foot on the tabletop. The motion made his skirt hitch up enough that Frank could see the garters holding up his sheer stockings. He couldn’t help but gulp at the sight; the way the black fabric contrasted against his pale thighs.

In that moment, he didn’t care if that body belonged to a man. His desire to reach out and touch contested his religious morality. It was that sinful longing that made him want to hold that slim frame and maybe never let go. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shy away from staring.

“Calling your name,” Gerard continued, shifting his leg to the side to improve the other’s view. Frank choked on his own inhale noticing the black panties the other was wearing and the obscene outline of his dick against the fabric. He smirked at the older man’s reaction as he trailed a hand between his legs with a small roll of his hips. “Begging for you to fill me up,” he sighed, biting his lip.

“Well?” He prompted with a light snicker, “You don’t have to stand so far away.”

“Sorry,” Frank blurted out, approaching the other with a nervously uneven gait. Gerard grinned, reached out, and grabbed him by the tie, tugging him forward to kiss him harshly. The shorter man stumbled, but caught himself with a hand on Gerard’s smooth thigh. He tried to apologize again, but the words were lost in their mouths. He tried to pull his hand away, but the younger man held it there.

“Stop apologizing,” he hissed, but he wasn’t actually upset, just a little out of breath.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Besides, you can touch wherever you’d like, whenever you’d like, got it?”

Frank nodded, giving his thigh a tentative squeeze. The other smiled approvingly, rewarding him with another kiss.

When Gerard finally let go of his tie, his hands were gliding down his stomach to the waistband of his panties. “I need my hands now, Frankie. Be a doll and don’t let me fall, okay?” He knew there were sexier things he could have said, but he was walking a fine line between keeping him interested and not scaring him off.

Frank smiled a little to keep his nerves at bay, but was eager to oblige. He kept his one hand on the younger man’s thigh, his other arm snaking loosely around his waist.

With a soft whine, Gerard grabbed his own length and gave it a few slow pumps as he slipped two fingers into his mouth. He kept his half-lidded eyes trained on Frank as his coated his fingers in saliva. Begrudgingly letting go of himself, he pulled his panties to the side and pressed a wet finger to his hole. The whole time, his skin tingled under the other’s watchful gaze, but he persisted nonetheless. 

Frank, of course, had never seen anything like this, but even with his belt undone, his pants were exceedingly tight. He wanted to touch himself, but knew he shouldn’t, lest he let Gerard slip. Though that was the reasoning at the forefront of his mind, he still wrestled with the bitter voice condemning him for wanting to touch himself–and Gerard, for that matter.

The younger man let out a cracked sigh of pleasure as he curled a finger inside himself. He had been doing this long enough to know just where to hit and was soon slipping in the second finger. Another, less coherent, sound slipped past his lips as he struggled to keep his eyes open for the other. He curled both fingers, biting his lip to avoid any too-embarrassing noises. He hadn’t done anything like this while this close to sober in ages. Every sensation felt different, more real, more grounded. Still, he knew he promised the other a spectacle worth gawking at. He started scissoring his fingers inside and leaned forward to let out a needy mewl right next to the other’s ear.

“F-fuck…” he whimpered. His voice was low, but it was all Frank could hear. Even his own fluttering heart seemed to quiet so that the other drowned out his senses.

He brushed his hand down the taller man’s thigh, making him shiver. “You’re– you’re beautiful,” he mumbled against his neck, ending his words with a light kiss there.

Gerard crooned appreciatively, nudging his cheek. “Fuck, Frankie– You’re an angel, baby.” The older man’s heart skipped a beat at the new pet name. “I want you.” He had said that to dozens of men before, no doubt, but it didn’t cross Frank’s mind. He couldn’t let anymore doubt cloud his mind.

“Really?” He hummed lowly, thankful his voice didn’t crack or give way to his nerves.

“Fuck– Yes. I _need_ you!”

Frank traced the lacy fringe of a garter up to the hem of his panties. The slowness with which he did it gave him time to muster courage.

“Frankie,” Gerard whined, “just fucking touch me! Please!” He squirmed against his own fingers still working inside of him. Maybe he was exaggerating to urge him on, but the other’s hesitant, feather-light touches were excruciating.

Frank wanted so badly to touch the other–in any way–but he knew where Gerard wanted to be touched and that was a difficult fact to deal with. Sure, he had touched his own dick, but that of another man? It was completely depraved!

He gritted his teeth to steel his nerves. His desire to please the other was slowly overpowering his own sense of self-righteousness. “You want it so badly,” he murmured, distracting himself while still trying to keep the other’s attention, “It’s cute.”

Frank skimmed his fingers along the obvious shape pushing against the panties. “Can’t you take these off?” He asked, hating having to ask it, but also curious.

“Not without taking the garters off first,” Gerard managed to answer, suppressing another wanton sound.

“I think you look… lovely with them on.”

“Don’t worry, they aren’t going anywhere,” he giggled, his voice pitching up at the end.

Frank palmed the other gently through his panties. It made him feel better, in a sense, that he couldn’t see what he was doing, but he was still muscling through his feelings. It was worth it, though, when the younger man released a shrill moan.

“You sound like a girl,” Frank teased, peppering his neck with kisses.

“You wouldn’t know,” the other shot back with a breathy laugh. He knew his fingers’ work was probably done, but he curled them a few more times for good measure. Every time sent a jolt of pleasure up his spine. In tandem with Frank’s careful movements, he could barely sit still. He wanted to roll his hips into it, but resisted the urge, fearing he might slip off the tabletop or scare the other.

“Please,” he pleaded in a strangled whisper, “I need this. I need you inside me.”

“You’re so impatient.”

“You wouldn’t make a real dame wait,” he argued, burying his face in the other’s shoulder.

“You don’t know what I’d do.”

“Doesn’t matter how rich your daddy is, you’re still just a big softie.” He pulled his hands away from himself to rest them on Frank’s shoulders. “C’mon, Frankie~” he cooed, grabbing his tie in one hand and tracing a finger down his chest, ending at the waistband of his underwear, with the other.

Gerard hung onto the edge of the table as Frank let go of him to strip down.

“What’s this?” The younger man purred, stroking the edge of blue skin peeking out from under his crumpled cuff before he could take anything off. Tattoos had always interested him, but he worried they might be unhelpful in his line of work, not to mention his crippling fear of needles.

“It’s nothin’… It’s kinda trashy, anyway.”

“Please,” Gerard deadpanned, “You were prepared to fuck some random whore. I’d hardly call that classy.”

“You’re one to talk after beggin’ like that.”

“Excuse you– I’m a classy whore.”

“Can we worry about it later?”

“Now who’s their impatient one?”

“Don’t act like you’re not desperate. I doubt you’re fakin’ _everythin’_.”

Gerard pouted his lip in mock anger. “I could just fuck myself and make you watch, you know.”

“Didn’t you say you’d do whatever I want? I am the one payin’, after all.”

“You’re still nervous, aren’t you, baby? You can’t like arguing _this_ much. Especially when you’re so hard. C’mon. I’ll help you relax a little bit more.”

Frank gritted his teeth, embarrassed the other could see through him like that, but also a little relieved. It would have been annoying that the other kept grabbing his tie, but found himself unbothered by it, especially now as Gerard pulled him over to the couch and made him sit down. The younger man kneeled on the seat next to him, sliding out his belt and working his pants down his legs.

“Sorry…” Frank whispered.

“What for? What is it this time?”

“Making you wait, I guess.”

“Things have been much worse,” he reassured playfully, “But don’t worry about me, okay, love?” He leaned over to kiss his cheek, leaving yet another smudge of lipstick. As fun as it was to tease him, he hoped to calm the other down to any extent. He decided to distract him with a harsh kiss on the lips as he tugged away his underwear. Frank easily melted into the kiss, eager to keep his mind off every guilty thought that wormed its way in.

Gerard stayed perched on his knees so he could grab his own length as he took the other’s in hand as well. The older man clenched his one hand at his side, the other resting on the small of Gerard’s back. He didn’t want to be pushy and knew the other would know exactly what he was doing.

“You don’t have to watch if you’re still so worried about sin,” Gerard snickered, not giving to the other a chance to answer properly as he took some of his dick in his mouth. He palmed his own dick slowly, aching for the other’s touch.

But Frank _did_ want to watch. He hated himself for it, but he was transfixed by the other’s face. From the way saliva had smeared his lipstick across his mouth to the streaks of ebony hair matting to his forehead, he was a gorgeously disheveled vignette. Of course, it didn’t hurt anything that he was vigorously bobbing his head.

“You’re gorgeous,” Frank panted, petting at the other’s dark hair just so he could keep touching him.

“That was probably true earlier in the night,” he replied with a small smile as he sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Frank frowned.

“What? You don’t have to admit it, but I know you’re excited to bury your dick in this choice bit of calico.”

“Your mouth is fuckin’ filthy.”

“Here, want a taste?” He tugged Frank down by his tie to kiss him. There wasn’t actually much to taste on the younger man’s tongue, but he still recoiled at the gesture.

“That too much of me? Sorry, baby.” Gerard cooed with a kiss on his forehead.

“You’re wild,” he replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Aw, Frankie, I said I was sorry. You’ll still fuck me, right?”

“Maybe. Provided you don’t pull anythin’ like that again.”

“Please don’t make me wait anymore.”

“C’mere, then. You know what you want better than I do…”

With an impish grin, Gerard crawled closer, coming up onto his knees to straddle the other’s lap. “Just keep your eyes on mine and you’ll be alright, baby,” he murmured against his neck, hitching up his shirt above his hips. The action put his full garters on display again. He carefully reached behind himself for the other’s dick and lined himself up with his panties pulled aside. When he pushed back against it, he did so slowly, making a prolonged, breathy moan come out of him as he made himself take the whole length. Frank let out a clipped noise of surprise that melted away into a low moan.

Gerard sat up straight, gazing at the other with half-lidded eyes and a lopsided smile. He held himself upright with his hands on Frank’s shoulders. “Eyes up here. Just think of me as some ugly broad. Seeing my dick won’t help that illusion.”

“You’re too beautiful to be an ugly broad… and… and I don’t care about that anymore.”

“You’re lying,” the younger man scoffed.

“Does it matter? ‘Cause, my god, Gee, you’re… perfect.” His hands slid up onto the other’s waist where his thumbs traced delicate circles over his ribs.

“I’d really like it if you didn’t chicken out at this point. How does that sound?”

“I can do that.”

“Perfect.” He grinned toothily and pecked a kiss on his lips. “But just tell me to and I’ll stop, okay?”

Frank nodded, still marvelling over the other’s face as he lifted off him and pushed back down in two deliberate movements. The older man groaned quietly, but winced seeing Gerard’s dick bob between their stomachs.

“I can turn around,” he suggested quietly, distracted by the fullness he felt in his abdomen.

“No. Don’t. Please…” If he did, Frank knew he would miss out on his face. Maybe that was the only thing that kept him pushing past his nerves. He clutched tighter at the other’s waist for emphasis.

“Always so polite,” Gerard giggled breathily with a roll of his hips to make himself tremble. He couldn’t help but grab his own dick from his panties, stroking it as he set an even pace with his hips. His other hand gripped at the front of the older man’s shirt to anchor himself.

Frank found himself gritting his teeth to stifle any obscene noises that would have likely escaped him. While Gerard would have enjoyed hearing his husky voice, the other’s pounding heart was evidence enough of his enjoyment.

“Fuck, baby,” Gerard moaned out, his eyes squeezing shut as just the right spot inside him was hit. He rocked his hips roughly to get that rush again.

“I–I’m close,” Frank whined despite himself. His face was glowing pink, but he melted under the other’s kisses that were soon dusted across his cheeks.

The younger man was working his hips and hand at a dissonant pace, but he couldn’t help it as he frantically chased gratification. His gut twisted with delight, his body tasting the edge of ecstasy to come. Reluctantly, though, he released his own length to move his hips more harshly, grinding down against the other to let him finish first. 

Frank’s head was swimming with pleasure. He felt genuine gratitude toward the other which he maybe didn’t deserve considering this was a financial transaction. Regardless, he squeezed the other’s waist between his hands as he held him down against his lap and came with a lewd grunt. He tingled all over, unconcerned with the sweat beaded on his forehead or anything else, for that matter. His euphoria was the only thing that mattered.

Gerard whined indignantly as he was held still. Impatient for his own climax, he pumped his own length needily. The other quickly caught on to his desperation and loosened his grip on his body. Rolling his hips in firm, deliberate movements, Gerard let out a sharp cry as he hit his sweet spot and climaxed. The sudden ecstasy made his breath hitch and his thighs quiver as cum glazed his hand and dripped onto the other’s rumpled shirt.

Whether it be that he wasn’t permitted to touch himself or his client refused to do so, he rarely got the chance to finish. Most nights he ended up faking it, which made this climax so much sweeter.

Meanwhile, although the younger man didn’t quite process it, Frank was caressing the outside of his thighs. He was no longer shying away from the sight of the other’s dick, just interested in everything about this strange and strangely beautiful man. From his thighs, to his waist, to his face, Frank was drinking it all in unabashedly while basking in his afterglow.

“Like what you see?” Gerard sighed weakly, flopping forward to cling to the other. He planted a few lazy kisses on his neck, smiling serenely before mindlessly latching on and sucking just enough to leave a small purple mark.

“‘Course. I don’t wanna forget my beautiful Gee.” He wrapped his arms around the other, taking in his sugary scent as he caught his breath.

After a few minutes of resting in each other’s embrace, Gerard began to stir. He placed a delicate kiss on the other’s damp forehead as he climbed off his lap.

“Goin’ already…?”

“Well, we can't spend the whole night here,” the taller man replied as gently as he could. He stood in front of the other as he tugged down his skirt and smoothed out his dress and hair. He was a little dizzy as, without any substances wreaking havoc on his body, he realized how hungry he was. The stickiness of cum in his ass didn’t feel too pleasant either.

““Right. Yeah. ‘Course,” Frank mumbled, trying to convince himself it was fine. He awkwardly pulled up his pants and stood up beside the other. He couldn’t meet his hazel eyes, instead stuffing his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “Sorry for coming inside… You didn’t say otherwise so I–”

“No, it’s fine. I wanted you to,” Gerard hummed, running a hand down his hip pensively.

“Oh…”

“It’s not standard for me, so lucky you,” he teased airily. It wasn’t his favourite thing to do, but he had taken a liking to the other’s innocent bearing, so he didn’t worry about it too much. Still, it was unpleasant to feel his pants become soaked as the fluid dropped out.

“Gee,” Frank began softly, “I can’t go home… not like this… not after what I’ve done…” He wasn’t sure what he was asking of the other, but it seemed worth a shot.

“I…” Gerard began, but faltered, shifting on the balls of his feet, “This isn’t common practice for me either, but… But I live in the apartment upstairs and… I guess you could stay the night?”

“Really?” Frank looked up, but felt hot with guilt. “I’m not tryna pressure you into anythin’– I don’t wanna be a burden–”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he answered, offering a tired smile, “It’s late, anyhow.” He picked up the other’s vest and tossed it to him before going over to collect his heels.

“C’mon,” he called, motioning for the other to follow.

Gerard carried his shoes in one hand, mindful of his steps to avoid tearing his stockings on anything as he strode down a different hallway to a staircase. The older man followed behind him, looking natural but feeling uncertain about what they were doing.

“It’s not much,” the taller man warned before opening a door and leading Frank inside of his apartment. It was an understatement in describing the place, because even though it was of decent size for one person, it was sparsely furnished and somewhat unkempt. Money wasn’t exactly tight, but after drug expenses and Mikey’s sum, the apartment just wasn’t worth investing in.

“Please don’t mess with anything,” Gerard sighed, setting his heels down and shifting from foot to foot to flex his sore feet.

“Your feet wouldn’t feel too much like berries after strutting around in those for a few hours every night,” he shot at the other, frustrated with the way he stared.

“S-sorry,” Frank stammered, “I didn’t mean to stare.”

Gerard heaved a deep sigh, ready to wash up and go to sleep. He could relax when he got home at night, but having a client around made things feel unnatural.

“Sorry about your shirt,” he hummed, “It couldn’t be helped…”

“It’s alright. I’m not mad or anythin’. Where to now?” He asked as the other suddenly took his hand and led him across the hallway.

“Your face is just as bad off as mine,” Gerard explained softly as he wet a washcloth under the bathroom sink. He took to Frank’s face, wiping away the smudges of lipstick left by his numerous kisses.

“Thanks.” Frank smiled, leaning against the bathroom wall as he untied his tie and watched the other tucked his hair behind his ear to wipe away all remnants of makeup from his face. The shorter man noted that his ears were pierced; a small silver ball of a stud in each. Gerard was focused on cleaning up at least a little and ran a comb through his tangled hair quickly, but knew he’d have to wash the sweat out in the morning.

“God, I’m fucking exhausted now,” Gerard groaned, rubbing the back of his neck as he finally headed off to his bedroom. Some of his elegance had faded away, but Frank still admired the way he swayed his hips without even trying to put on a show. Most of that charm must have come naturally to him.

There was a dull pounding in Gerard’s head as a headache set in. The prospect of sleep was awfully appealing. He was still sticky with sweat and cum, but cared less than usual. Sure, he felt gross, but that bitter shame that invaded his mind at night when every high he had experienced in the daytime faded was nowhere in sight. If anything, he only regretted cocaine, but that feeling was inevitable. But never enough to make him stop going back for more.

In the bedroom, Gerard slipped off his dress as Frank stood in the doorway, weary but enamoured. The younger man faced a full-length mirror, reaching behind himself to finger the laces of his black corset. He smiled weakly as the other came up behind him to help. The younger man whispered his gratitude as he set the corset on top of a dresser and stretched out his back.

“You should strip too,” he advised, sitting down on the bed, his elbows on his knees as he slumped forward into his hands.

“I will, I will,” Frank reassured, biting his lip seeing the other like that. “You okay, Gee?”

“Headache,” he groaned, tapping his temple lightly as he undid his garters and leaned forward to take off his stockings.

“Here,” the shorter man murmured, kneeling in front of the other and rolling his stockings off for him. Gerard shut his eyes and sighed appreciatively, lifting his legs one at a time for him. He looked up to smile softly at the other, watching as he then ran his hands up his shaven legs.

With only his underwear on, Gerard felt strangely vulnerable. He was fully on display for the other. In a way, it excited him, but the plunge in his bearing kept any fervour from rearing its head. He was mostly used to this crash every night, but having another person around only magnified the exposure he felt. It was a struggle to maintain his usual poise.

While Gerard wallowed in his headache-plagued reverie, Frank moved to get undressed. He had only unbuttoned his shirt when he noticed the other’s curious gaze.

“You never showed me your tattoo like you promised,” he pointed out, shifting back on the bed a bit and crossing his legs.

“Oh, you remember that, huh?”

“How could I forget? C’mere.” He made a come-hither motion with his finger which Frank calmly obliged.

Gerard kneeled on the edge of the bed, a self-satisfied smirk painted across his face as he took Frank’s arm and carefully rolled the cuff up to his elbow. The shorter man smiled back at him, less embarrassed about having a tattoo once he saw this tenderness. He knew it was silly of him to worry about the other finding it trashy considering his line of work. Of course tattoos were frowned upon in the circles he was used to, but to Gerard, he was just some rich kid he had taken an unexpected liking to. 

“Mary?” He asked quietly, tracing the dark outline of the woman in blue. The flaming heart surrounded by five piercing swords was jarring imagery, but he was still fascinated by it. Were her the bloody holes where eyes should have been sacreligious, Gerard wondered. At least she was blind to his actions.

“Yeah. Our Lady of Sorrows, actually,” he specified, “my folks were pissed off when they saw it. Mom insists I wear long sleeves all the time. I almost got somethin’ done on my neck. Can you imagine that?”

“Wow. You’ll have to forgive me, though. I haven’t brushed up on my Catholicism in a long while,” he chuckled breathily, slipping the shirt off Frank’s shoulders. He smiled more, seeing another tattoo–a black flame with “HOPE” written beneath it on the left of his chest.

“Got this one first. My folks don’t know about it. Probably for the best.”

Gerard hung his arms around the other’s neck and pressed his forehead to his sternum. “I like it,” he whispered dreamily. Exhaustion was setting in fast and he knew it would be wise to fall asleep before any nausea set in. He used to be much better at holding his alcohol before he began overdoing it every night.

“Hurry up and get over here,” the younger man yawned, crawling back to lean against the headboard and crossing his arms over his chest.

Frank nodded and piled his discarded clothes up against the wall. Knowing the other man had seen his dick made him significantly less self-conscious that he may have been otherwise. He turned off the light and went over the join the other.

Since it was only a double bed, it was a tight fit, but that was exactly what they both wanted. Gerard happily curled into the other’s embrace, his head tucked against his chest.

“Night, Frankie,” he mumbled.

“G’night, Gee.”

And in that moment nothing mattered–not drugs or alcohol. Not owed payments or chilling shame. Not a single regret entered either of their minds. They were warm and safe together under the covers.

And though the streetlights of the city shone through the inky blackness, no one needed any light or eyes to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu


	4. Shed Your Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I crave angst.

Frank stirred, staring blankly across the bedroom. He had forgotten he wasn’t in his own, but quickly remembered the events of the previous night.

“You’re a heavy sleeper,” a familiar voice chuckled. Gerard was sitting up against the headboard, his hand playing with the other’s as his head rested on his lap. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, not wanting to move.

The stench of sweat was lingering and while Gerard was used to it, it made the other’s stomach churn. He knew what he had done last night. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t happened here, because, still, it had happened.

“I really need to go shower, but I’ll come back to you after, okay?”

“I should–” But he promptly shushed Frank before he could properly protest.

Gerard climbed out of bed and dramatically sashayed to the door. He burst out laughing at himself, but spun around to blow the other a kiss before he left the room. The other man had sat up to smile from the bed back at him.

Once he was alone, Frank flopped back to state up at the ceiling. The sheets around him smelled like Gerard mingled with the unmistakable reek of cigarette smoke. It didn’t make him feel out of place. He felt like he was exactly where he should be.

At the telltale squeak of a faucet, the older man sat up again. He had a few moments to himself, but being alone in a prostitute’s bedroom wasn’t somewhere he ever expected to be. He could at least decide it was better that it wasn’t there where they had done it. This only fueled his reluctant curiosity which led him over to the other’s nightstand. He didn’t fancy himself a particularly nosy man, but Gerard was a particularly unusual man, so they were even.

He pulled open the nightstand drawer, hoping to glean something from its contents. However, all he found was a small glass bottle of viscous, clear liquid and a bible. He was stunned to find such a book in the other’s home, but as he went to lift it, he found it surprisingly light. Flipping open the front cover, Frank found the book hollowed out with a razorblade and a glass bottle inside. His eyes shot open wide at the white powder inside.

All he knew about cocaine he had learned from his father. It was a poison of a drug used by loose women and whores. Frank hated how that description wasn’t entirely inaccurate, but he refused to believe it. He couldn’t be certain it was cocaine or that Gerard used it. It must have been hidden for some other reason. Besides, the younger man didn’t twitch or jitter. Not that much, anyway...

After the wave of shock dimmed in his mind, Frank fixed the items and closed the drawer. He laid back down, regretting his snooping. This detail about the other didn’t make him feel any better about what he had done. Forgetting about the discovery was much easier once Gerard stepped into the bedroom, though.

“Hey, Frankie.” He smiled before crossing over to his dresser, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“You seem happier,” he commented, smiling back.

“It wasn’t hard. I went to bed feeling like shit.”

“Sorry?”

“Not your fault, baby,” he reassured with a chuckle, pulling out clothes and getting dressed. By now, he definitely had no qualms about the other seeing him naked. He liked being under the other’s gaze, but he was in no mood to put on any sort of show for him. “Don’t look at me like that,” he snorted, “Use your imagination.”

“Huh?”

“You’re looking at me like some needy pup,” Gerard explained with a deadpan expression of annoyance as he buttoned up his shirt. He figured the other would know he was mostly teasing.

“Oh, sorry,” he laughed, pulling away after realizing how he had been leaning forward expectantly.

“You just gonna sit in my bed all day and stare at me?”

“The view  _ is _ great, but as I was tryna say earlier, I should get home.”

“Don’t be a killjoy,” the younger man complained, sitting down on the edge of the bed to pull on his pants and suspenders. Frank moved up to sit next to him.

“I’m no fuckin’ killjoy!”

“Then don’t be in such a rush to blow.”

“What do you care?”

“You’re interesting enough company, I suppose.” Gerard shrugged nonchalantly, standing up and spinning his vanity chair around to face the other. He sat down and began drying his inky black hair with the towel. “Everything already got turned on its head when I let you stay here.”

“Are you mad?”

“‘Course not. If I regretted it, you’d know soon enough.” He set the towel down and quickly combed out his hair before grabbing a cigarette from the pack on the vanity.

“Want one?” He offered politely, holding the box out, but Frank just shook his head.

“Too early in the morning for me.”

“Suit yourself,” Gerard hummed, lighting up his own cigarette and taking a long drag. He gazed pensively out the window for a moment before exhaling the smoke and speaking again. “You can help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen, I guess.”

“Thanks. Should I make breakfast before I go or something?”

“Not hungry,” the younger man replied flatly. “Thanks, though,” he added to make up for his accidental rudeness.

Unbeknownst to the other, food was the last thing on Gerard’s mind. Not long before Frank had woken up, the younger man had crawled out of bed, viciously nauseous. He was thankful the other didn’t awaken to the sounds of him violently retching–then, or the second time as he left the shower running to mask the sounds. Nothing but stomach acid came up either time, but at least he had delayed the ordeal until morning.

It started with the headache last night that carried into the morning as a dull throb, but Gerard could power through that. The nausea and trembling were his worst enemy. Cigarettes were the only thing that seemed to help. While they didn’t help the nausea–probably worsening it instead–today they concealed the stench on his breath from the other. That sweet nicotine was also the only thing that kept his pathetic body from trembling like a flame struggling against the wind.

Every morning he knew it was all his fault. All the substances he pumped into his body were coming back to haunt him. But every night he slipped back into the same routine. There was no breaking any habits that had just become his life.

Now, there were only two things stuck in his mind, both of which were cravings he _needed_ _just one more taste of._

“I really gotta beat it,” Frank groaned, running his hand over his face and breaking the other from his reverie. The younger man blinked with surprise, noticing the ash building up on his cigarette that he promptly tapped away into an ashtray.

“I didn’t plan on having any company over, but you could stay if you wanted to,” Gerard offered, carefully choosing his words. The older man shouldn’t have come over in the first place, but he was unlike any client Gerard had ever had before.

“I’d love to… but my dad will be missing me.”

“I forgot about that ass,” he laughed, smoke curling out of his mouth.

“You shouldn’t insult my dad…”

“Oh, c’mon– You were thinking it too.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he snickered, running his hand through his hair.

“I’d hate to be that person, but you never paid for last night…”

“Oh, right. You never told me how much.”

“What, that means you don’t have to pay?”

“No, no, I just don’t know how much.”

“Don’t stress it, love, I’m just teasing. Its twenty bucks,” Gerard answered after taking the final drag and extinguishing the butt in the ashtray on the nightstand. “I won’t charge extra if you do wanna stick around. Sometimes company’s free,” he added with a jaded smile as he sat down next to the other man.

Frank gave a lopsided smile back. Honestly, he longed to spend more time with the other, but worried more about making his father suspicious. The last thing he needed was to be accused of falling for a prostitute. Which definitely wasn’t the case. There was no way.

He stood up stretched out his limbs, his back to the bed to pretend he didn’t know Gerard was checking him out. It was only fair, after all, since he had done the same a few minutes ago.

“You gonna get anymore tattoos? Ink suits you.”

“Maybe.” The older man sat on the edge of the bed and began pulling his shirt on.

“You should get a gun tattooed right here.” Gerard had crawled closer and poked the middle of his lower back.

“Why?” Frank snorted, standing up and facing the other as he buttoned up his shirt.

The younger man flopped down on his stomach, leaning in his elbows and kicking his legs up behind him. “It’d look cool.” Frank rolled his eyes at that as he pulled on his pants and fastened his belt.

The older man crossed the room to the other’s vanity and patted his hair down. He touched his face, inspecting it. It was clean enough to walk down the street with some dignity, though he would definitely shower when he got home. He had tucked his shirt into his pants best he could to hide the small patch of dried cum. Still, though, it was hard not to be reminded of the other and what they had done. Especially when his perfume lingered on his collar.

He noticed something on his neck and tilted his chin up to get a better look.

“Forgot I did that,” Gerard giggled quietly with a pleased smile on his face. Frank swore a few times under his breath, clearly not sharing the other’s lecherous sentiment.

“What’s wrong, love? I can ask first next time– er, you know what I mean. Sorry about the hickey, anyway.”

“What’s wrong?” Frank echoed in a strained voice, his hand over the dark discolouration as he turned to face the other. “How the hell am I gonna cover this up?”

“Couldn’t a broad have done the same?” He retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“But I’ll know it wasn’t no broad.”

“Well, if it bothers you that much, I’ll get something to help cover it up.”

“No. Don’t you understand that I’ll know you did it? I can’t face my dad like this!”

Gerard scowled, sitting up on the edge of the bed. “Oh, so  _ now _ you’re some perfect Catholic schoolboy?  _ Now _ you’re feeling ashamed of yourself?”

“I’ve got more than enough shame for the both of us. How you don’t have an ounce of it astounds me.”

“Now really isn’t the time to start shaming me,” he hissed back, glaring daggers back, sharper than those cutting words, “You wanted it just as badly as I did.” It felt odd to admit he genuinely wanted the other last night. Usually it was just an act…

“I– I didn’t know what I wanted!” Frank insisted, clenching his fists as his sides, “It’s your fault for– for temptin’ me!”

“ _ Tempting you? _ You made the decision of your own volition. We were both drinking, so don’t pin this on me. Besides, if you think I’m some forbidden fruit, you sure as hell liked the taste. I’m just making a living, and you know it.”

“You’re a fuckin’ whore!” He exclaimed, “You don’t get to go around preaching about making some honest living.”

“I never said it was honest work, but it pays the bills. You wouldn’t get it, you bastard, after spending your whole life in your rich boy wonderland.”

“No, I guess I wouldn’t fucking get it,” Frank sneered, quickly putting his vest back on. All he could smell was the other’s perfume and sweat and as pleasant as it was at face value, it only made him seethe.

The older man strode over to the nightstand nearest Gerard to smack the cash down onto. “Here. Twenty bucks. Buy yourself some nice coke, yeah?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t play stupid. I saw your stash. No wonder you couldn’t sit still for two seconds last night.”

“What I do with my life’s none of your fucking business.”

“You’re right, it’s not. I won’t lose a fuckin’ wink of sleep over a whore and a junkie who’ll forget my name the second I’m out the door.”

“I’ve ignored several of my own rules already and apparently  _ I’m _ the asshole who doesn’t care.”

“You care about me just as much as you care about that body of yours, which means I really am fucked. I’m just cash to you.”

“And I’m just a body to you. Don’t act like you’ve got me all figured out. Just fucking get out of here.”

“With pleasure,” Frank hissed from the bedroom doorway. He noticed a piece of scarlet fabric at his feet–his tie–and kicked it away. It took a second to click that it was  _ his _ , but maybe in leaving it there, he  _ wanted _ the other to remember him. Of course he wanted Gerard to remember him, but at the same time he hated the idea. He despised the contradiction within him, but he was rescued by his impatience to leave.

“I’ll pray for your reprehensible ass,” the older man growled, opening the front door to the hallway.

“Tell God he can kiss my ass!” Gerard called from the bedroom doorway. “Jesus too!”

As Frank left with a slam of the door, the other man wanted to scream. He wanted to shriek until his voice was hoarse and he could barely make a sound. He wanted to punch walls and slam doors–anything to distract from the ache in his chest. He knew he was a fucking idiot for offering the other even a shred of kindness.

He fell to his knees, clutching the doorframe. He was practically ready to bash his head against the wood until both it and his skull splintered into dust. The thought was so tempting, but he stayed perfectly still, eyes shut. With everything black, he could focus on subduing his mind. He felt ridiculous and out of control. He had known Frank for all of one night and a few hours this morning. Gerard knew he should have felt perfectly indifferent like he always did. Instead, he felt dirty. Used.

Maybe he just needed something other than distress to cloud his head. Something more exciting. That always helped him detach himself from it all. He didn’t need to feel upset. He didn’t need to feel anything, for that matter. No one wanted a whore who cared and who was he to deny someone that?

Gerard rose to his feet, leaning heavily on the door. It was the only thing in the world keeping him standing right then. He hadn’t noticed he had started to tremble again until now, now that he was shaking violently. He took stumbling steps away from the door, managing to make it to his vanity where he slumped down in the chair.

Staring back from the mirror was the same lifeless husk as always. He knew he should have put some makeup on after he had thrown up. The sickly pallor of his face made him wonder how Frank could even bear to look at him. But that didn’t matter now. They would never see each other again and that was for the best. That was exactly what they both wanted.

He reached for another cigarette, struggling to hold, let alone light, it with his quivering fingers. After a few drags in the frigid silence of his bedroom, the shaking had died down. He was slowly but surely coming back around to his typical self. Almost.

He had spun around to sit in the chair backwards and stare out the window. The sunlight stung at his eyes, but he refused to look away. When it finally started to make his eyes water, he clenched his fist and snuffed out the cigarette. Why hadn’t he cried that Frank left? Clearly his own feelings were just a lie. They were both lying to themselves. They didn’t care about each. It was all an act.

With nothing else to distract him, Gerard's eyes wandered closer to the nightstand. He didn’t have to… but he was so weak-willed… He knew what he had to do to let go. He didn’t have to be quiet to be in control of himself.

He went over to the nightstand, perching on the edge of the bed as he tugged the drawer open. He grit his teeth, the bible had immediately reminded him of Frank. He clenched his eyes shut and flipped the cover open, snatching the bottle out. The good book was always good to him. He passed it from hand to hand a few times in contemplation. It almost seemed responsible of him, but really he just wasn’t used to doing it so early in the morning. He usually tried to stick it out until at least the afternoon, after he had eaten something. Today already wasn’t a typical day, so what reason was there to hesitate?

Gerard pulled out the stopper and tipped some of the powder onto the nightstand. With practiced fingers, he scraped it into a neat line with the razorblade before setting it down. He grimaced, but picked up one of the bills Frank had left him. There was a moment of surprise as he realized there were two twenty-dollar bills, but didn’t dwell on that for too long. He rolled the one in his hand up into a neat tube and snorted the line awaiting him.

He knew it took a few minutes to kick in, but he sniffed away his running nose and bounced his in anticipation nonetheless. One more line couldn’t hurt, right? He just needed a little bit more, a little bit faster. So, he prepared another line for himself and snorted it just the same as the first one.

Gerard slumped to the floor, pulling his knees against his chest and resting back against the bed. He stared at the blank wall, for everything else eventually reminded him of Frank in some way.

It didn’t take too long for the effects to set in, but any amount of waiting was too much for him right now. As soon as he felt the familiar buzz, Gerard leapt up to his feet. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he stared at himself in the mirror. His reflection was joyously more familiar now. A wide grin was plastered on his face as he poked the glass and giggled to himself. He was always this vibrant man, how could he forget? That was always what his reflection looked like. He knew he must have been delusional earlier.

He spun across the room, elated just to be alive. He really was alive now, even if he was living on some cloud above all the rest of the world. He pranced over to the other side of the bed and pulled the pillow to his face. It smelled of Frank and he didn’t care how insane he looked huffing it. That subtle twinge of cologne was all he needed to make him grin enough that his face might have cracked in two. 

Gerard let the pillow drop to the floor, panting quietly as his heart thrummed against his ribs. Everything around him was so soft and bright. He couldn’t let that feeling end. Not yet. Though he knew it hadn’t been that long, he didn’t want to give the effects any chance to fade away. So, he was back at the nightstand with the rolled-up bill and finger to his nose.

He quickly got bored of his bedroom, but then he hated the confinement of his apartment. It was only noon and he was ready to hit the town. None of it struck him as pathetic, though. He was just so alive and no one could fault him for that. He had the confidence to bring his vim outside and he couldn’t let that slip away. He snorted just one more line–his fourth, though he had already lost count–and pulled on a jacket to head outside.

Gerard slipped out the back door and strolled out of the alleyway. He shivered in the November cold, but soon started twitching unnaturally. Every face he passed was staring right at him. They could see his heart on his sleeve and every sin he had ever committed. Everyone knew what he was. Everyone knew he was just another whore and junkie who couldn’t control themself. 

He wrapped his arms around himself and spun on his heel to head home. He hadn’t decided where he was going in the first place, but he couldn’t handle it anymore. It couldn’t handle the silent scrutiny. It was breaking him, shattering the fractures Frank had created in his heart.

“Gerard! Gee, is that you?” But the raven-haired man didn’t hear those words. He just returned to the alley when he dropped to his knees against the brick wall. He tipped over, face-first onto the pavement, the stranger unable to catch him in time. The lanky boy hauled him to his feet, cursing under his breath.

“You okay?” The words were fuzzy and Gerard’s whole world was spinning. He didn’t feel okay. He somehow felt worse than when Frank left. Maybe he needed to go to a hospital, but the doctors were sure to catch on and there were so many things he could be charged with.

“Where do you live?” The boy just kept trying to get through to him. This time, Gerard managed to point at the alley door. The gesture was weak, but his head throbbed, a small trickle of blood trailing down his forehead. 

Gerard knew this stranger, but couldn’t place him. He missed Frank. As high as he was, he still couldn’t escape that fact. He wanted him back. He didn’t belong to him, but he wanted him back. That was the only thought he was even vaguely aware of as he was dragged inside and up the stairs to his apartment. His heart was pounding in his ears, even faster than he was shaking, but even that sound couldn’t drown out his internal wailing.


	5. Take My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is happy.

When Gerard finally woke up, it was around midnight. Even though he had gotten nearly twelve hours of sleep, he felt like he just rolled out of the gutter.

He sat up, thankful to be in his own bed, but nauseated just by the movement. He managed to open his eyes a sliver, but any light at all in the pitch black room made a migraine flare in his head.

“Oh, thank God you’re finally awake!” The boy exclaimed, his anxious smile barely visible in the darkness.

“Mikey?” Gerard groaned, barely recognizing his own voice.

Mikey had been pacing the room, terrified for his brother. All he had known was that he couldn’t take the other to a hospital. He didn’t know what Gerard had taken, but it couldn’t have been entirely legal. Though he had no idea what Gerard had gotten up to since he departed, only dubious things left one in the state he ended up in.

“Here.” The younger brother thrust a glass of water into his hands which he eagerly gulped down.

“Thanks,” Gerard gasped, glad the scratchiness of his throat had diminished.

“What the fuck happened to you, Gee?” He asked, frowning as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“I really don’t wanna talk right now, Mikes.”

“Too bad. You can’t just fuck off for two years, pass out on the sidewalk, and expect me to not demand answers.” The annoyance was thick in his voice, but Gerard couldn’t blame him.

“How’d you find me?” He asked, massaging his temples. He kept his eyes shut, pleading that the migraine vanish, but every word they spoke was a painful reminder of its presence.

“Doesn’t matter, but I’ve been trying to track you down for a week.”

“Why?”

“First tell me what the fuck  _ that _ was.”

“I was just a little drunk,” Gerard sighed, waving his hand nonchalantly, “that’s all. I swear.”

“Yeah, right. Booze doesn’t do that shit, Gee. You were burning up and shaking like crazy.”

“Bad batch, I guess,” he suggested lightly with a small shrug.

“This isn’t funny. Just tell me what you were on!”

“Why? So you can rat me out to mom ‘n’ dad?” He sneered. The thought alone of his parents was enough to bring up a wave of nausea.

“You know I wouldn’t do that,” he replied in a softer tone, “Besides, it wouldn’t really be possible now.”

“Those bastards kicked out their only other kid? Why am I not surprised?”

“No, Gee. They’re dead.”

“Wait– Really? Can’t believe they finally kicked the bucket… How’d it happen?”

“Pneumonia,” Mikey answered somberly, though it was difficult to detect any actual sorrow in his tone.

“Damn… They got real fucking lucky. They deserved something so much worse. You’re lucky you didn’t catch it too, Mikes. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I just can’t afford that.” Gerard shook his head gently for emphasis, mindful of the ache in every inch of his being.

“I know you’ve been giving me money, but don’t act like you didn’t also just abandon me,” Mikey huffed. He sighed quietly to refocus his thoughts. “Anyway, they put me up in a hotel to keep me safe. Guess the house’s mine now.” He gave a mild shrug.

“I thought you’d be more broken up about this. They actually gave a shit about you.”

“You musta been real self-absorbed to think that,” he answered with a snort and small shake of his head.

“Hey!” Gerard wrinkled his nose in mock anger, but stopped a second after, easily discouraged by his throbbing head.

“Dear old dad’s sky-high standards for his eldest son were trickling down to me as he resented you more and more.”

“I would expect no less from him. So that’s why you hunted me down? To tell me mom ‘n’ dad are dead? Can’t believe I overdose, nearly drop dead, and wake up to a fucking funeral invitation. Doesn’t matter. I’m not fucking going.”

“Don’t worry about that part… The funeral was a few weeks ago.”

“What? Why didn’t you hunt me down earlier? At least have given me the satisfaction of refusing!” Gerard balled the sheets under him in his fists, cringing at the ringing in his ears as his voice rose. He couldn’t stifle his anger. It seeped out so easily with every harsh thought that was corroding his mind lately.

“Dad… Dad really didn’t want you there and, well, I fought with the rest of the family about it, but they were adamant that we listen to his final wishes. I’m sure you can imagine the shitty things they said about you… It was probably more about jumping on the bandwagon of hating on you than caring about the wants of a dead man.” He shifted against the wall, noticing he had started to ramble and apologized for it.

“ _That_ _motherfucker_ ,” the older brother hissed through clenched his teeth even though the resulting pain was excruciating.

“I’m sorry, Gee. Dad really was one awful fucking bastard. But don’t worry about him now. He’s out of the picture.”

“Why bother finding me? Cut ties with the family and buy a factory or something. Leave it all behind. Get rich.”

“I had to tell you. But that’s easy for you to say.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Gerard laughed dryly, “One less thing for me to worry about.”

"How’re you affording all this?” The younger brother gestured vaguely around the room, “The apartment, the drugs, the whole shebang.”

“I work,” he sighed.

“Obviously, but what do you do?”

“Does it matter? I’m damn good at my job so I live a decent life. End of story.”

“You’re not doing anything shady are you?”

“‘Course not,” Gerard answered, opening his eyes for a second to meet his brother’s gaze. It wasn’t entirely the truth, but he hoped the eye contact at least would persuade him. Mikey looked unconvinced, but with his usual deadpan demeanour, it was near impossible to tell for certain. Gerard knew he could once read his younger brother like a book, but even in learning to read strangers better, he had clearly lost his touch with Mikey.

After a soothing moment of silence, Gerard tipped his face up to the ceiling. “My head’s killing me, Mikes. I need a little something.”

“I can check your medicine cabinet, I guess?” He offered, standing up straight.

“Don't bother, nothing in there’s strong enough. I just need a little pick-me-up. There should be something stashed away–”

“No,” Mikey interrupted firmly, “I’m not getting you any booze. You look like shit. You need to take it easy. Just tell me what you took this morning.”

“Cocaine, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? That I’m just some fucking cokehead who can’t keep away from the stuff?” He knew it was just the cravings that were making him irritable, but his brother was being no help. He couldn't believe himself for letting himself slip like that in front of his brother. The last thing he need right now was Mikey hating him too.

“What the fuck, Gee?! Of course I don’t wanna hear that! What the fuck happened to you?”

“Shit’s hard on your own, Mikey. I’m doing what I can to get by. Why does no one understand that?” His voice grew quieter with every sentence until he just gave in to his sorrows and pulled his knees to his chest. He opened his mouth to mumble something else, but only a choked sob escaped.

“Hey, it’s alright, Gee,” Mikey whispered, sitting on the bed and putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You don’t have to keep doing this shit. Not the drugs, not the booze, not whatever shifty shit you’re up to. Please just let it all go.”

“I can’t,” Gerard squeaked.

“You gotta try,” he insisted, “I don’t want you to die either.”

“Everything’s so fucking hard… Don't take away all I’ve got.”

“You’ll die if you don’t get away from it.”

A tremor swept down Gerard’s spine. He couldn’t let this life go. It wasn’t perfect, by any means, but it worked. It got him through the days and wasn’t that painful. Most of the time. But fear coursed through his veins like icy water. Frank had left him because he had found out and knew he wouldn’t let go. Mikey would leave him because he wouldn’t let go. Everyone he might ever care about would leave because he wouldn’t let go. Letting go was impossible and Gerard seemed to be the only person who could see that.

“Please don't leave me too,” he pleaded, voice cracking as tears trickled down his cheeks.

“Don’t day that shit, Gee. How could I? You coulda cut ties with me like you did mom ‘n’ dad, but you didn’t. You’re strong like that. You didn’t have to keep giving me money.”

“You needed it,” he managed.

“Then just tell me what you do to afford it. Especially with these… habits.”

“I’m a whore, Mikes,” he wailed into his legs, “A cheap whore who doesn’t see people as people, just as cash. I’m going straight to Hell when I inevitably off myself. I’ll fuck up and take too much one of these days and I’ll be the only one who notices. I take more and more everyday. I just  _ need _ it.” Tremors wracked his entire body with every word and no matter how tightly shut his eyes were, he couldn’t stop seeing the disappointment on his brother’s face. He couldn’t stop the tears cascading down his face.

“You should go,” Gerard finally whispered, his voice hoarse and broken.

“I thought you wanted me to stay?”

“I don’t deserve your sympathy. Just go home and forget this happened.” He took a deep breath and wiped his tears on his sleeve as he threw his legs over the edge of the bed.

“I can stay over if you want me to, Gee.

“Do whatever you want… Just don’t touch any of my…  _ stuff _ .”

“I should flush it all down the toilet. Things will only get worse if you keep it up.”

“Don’t preach that bullshit to me. You’re seventeen, not some almighty fount of wisdom.”

Mikey gave a resigned shrug. “I’ll come back later to check on you, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Stay outta trouble.”

“Don’t do anything stupid”

“You’re one to talk,” Mikey scoffed sourly. Gerard managed a humourless laugh in response that scraped his throat as it came out. His brother was right, but he couldn’t be mad at him for it. He was a smart kid, sure, but anyone would have thought the same.

Gerard had always known he was a lost cause, but it didn’t have to be so glaringly obvious lately. Everywhere he turned, he was reminded of his shortcomings. Though he smiled weakly at his brother as he left, he could see the disappointment in his eyes. Some role model he had turned out to be.

He trudged to the kitchen with the glass from earlier in hand and filled it with the faucet. He sipped the water slowly, leaning against the counter and swirling it in the glass as though it was whiskey. He didn’t want it to be, though. He needed the flavour (or lack thereof) desperately. Nothing ever felt good. Nothing felt quite like water on a parched tongue.

Gerard wondered what Frank was doing at that moment. Probably sleeping. He wanted to sleep too, but as exhausted as his body felt, his sore mind rejected the idea. He had too much to think about. Everything was a mess and though he knew he couldn’t figure it all out in one go at one in the morning, it was satisfying to pretend it was possible.

But in reality, Frank was not sleeping. He just couldn’t. He had been turning restlessly in bed for hours before giving up entirely. Now, he was leaning against the window sill, an arm hanging out lazily with a cigarette between his fingers. He avoided smoking late at night in the first place, but he didn’t have high hopes for falling asleep now. 

The late autumn air gave him goosebumps across his whole whenever a breeze picked up, but he didn’t care. He was standing in just his underwear of his own volition. He needed to feel numb and cigarettes only did so much to his head.

He took a slow drag from the cigarette, flicking the ash away and watching it get swept up by the wind as it faded. The streetlights lining the road flickered weakly. It was an unusual sight, considering the somewhat high status of the neighbourhood. Whether cigarette embers or streetlights, no light could glow forever. To think otherwise would just be naïve. Frank knew he was so naïve.

He had lost his sense in falling for Gerard. It was supposed to be a one-night stand. Something concise, no strings attached, no emotions involved. But if they had both felt something for one another, who was the bigger whore? The God-fearing rich boy desperate to attach himself to the first person who would touch him or Gerard, an actual prostitute?

Frank smoked amongst the muddled cacophony of his thoughts. With every cloud of smoke that tumbled from his lips, he found himself focused more on Gerard. It was near impossible to turn those thoughts to anger, though. He had feared telling his father, but he couldn’t tell Frank was lying. Frank knew he was the only person in this situation in the wrong. He didn’t want to distance himself from the younger man, but he told himself he had to. That’s what God wanted, right?

He threw the cigarette butt out into the wind, watching it swirl as it sunk to the ground. He didn’t care where it landed, he just didn’t want to be reminded of it when he woke up–assuming he could fall asleep.

With his gray feelings toward everything forming a thick haze in head, Frank managed to drift off to sleep. The only true solace he found was in fond memories of Gerard, but he forced himself to dismiss them. They were a problem for a rested mind, not one plagued with fatigue and misplaced guilt.

He woke up around noon and got dressed, but was unable to find that red tie he liked so much. It suddenly dawned on him where he had left it: Gerard’s apartment.

This revelation struck him with a dilemma. He now had an excuse to go see the other, but on the other hand, then he would have to face him… after all the horrible things he had said… 

He told himself he could just buy a new tie, but every step away from Gerard only drew him closer. Gerard was the sun emerging from behind clouds of cigarette smoke, but Frank knew he was poor Icarus. He had swooped and avoided his wax wings melting the first time, but now he just wanted to fly as high as he could even if he just got hurt again.

So, that evening, he returned to the club. This time, he had an idea of what to expect which made getting in less painfully awkward than the first time. Regardless, he found himself swaying to the sweet air soaked with jazz. While he wasn’t in the best of moods, it amplified his hopefulness.

He intentionally avoided ordering any drinks, but it only made time drag on. With every second he couldn’t help but worry that maybe Gerard wasn’t there tonight and there were a plethora of reasons as to why that might be the case. He could have taken the night off, maybe he was torn up about Frank? Or he could have already found a client? Frank hated each suggestion more than the last, but the words danced in his head with the rise and fall of the music.

After a stressful amount of time wandering the floor in search of the younger man, Frank couldn’t handle the foolishness he felt. He sat down at a table, noticing the booth he had had the night before was now occupied. They were just some rich strangers, so he let his eyes roam, his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand.

First his heart, then his eyes, did a double take. Gerard was here tonight. He was seated only a few tables away from Frank. This immediately made him perk up, which he chastised himself for in his head. But it didn’t matter. The titillation didn’t last very long, though, as he quickly took notice of the other man seated next to Gerard. 

Though he frowned, he knew he shouldn’t have been surprised. Gerard was merely doing his job, but Frank couldn’t help but feel a sour twinge of envy in his chest. He gritted his teeth at himself for feeling that way. He was disgusting for paying for sex and shouldn’t have been glaring daggers at the serious-faced brunet.

Still, their conversation appeared surprisingly civil. None of the touching Frank would have expected from Gerard was present. He was just smoking and quietly listening to the other, nodding occasionally. Though it was the man’s unfamiliarly mellow demeanour that caught his eye, it didn’t go unnoticed that he wasn’t wearing a dress this time. His outfit was a simple collared shirt and slacks, but Frank had long since decided he looked marvelous however he dressed.

He could have stared all night had he not begun to feel like a creep. Of course he was physically attracted to Gerard, but the emotional attraction was far worse. He wanted to hold him close and talk to him all night until the sun began to rise over the city. But even a few tables apart, they were still miles away from each other and the path was lined with wooden stakes.

“Ya got a bone to pick with him or are ya just a fag?” A man snickered as he stumbled by. The girl clinging to his arm cackled, taking a swig of her drink as they carried on their way.

Frank couldn’t face the strangers, though he scowled at the backs of their heads. At least he had torn his eyes away from Gerard even if he was just staring into his open palms now. He needed a drink or a cigarette–something to hold before he lost his damn mind trying to hold everything together.

He had to get away from it all. Even if it was only a temporary reprieve, he couldn’t be around any of this any longer. Not the club, not the alcohol, and especially not Gerard.

Though God had provided him no answers lately, Frank knew he could pretend to find comfort in those unuttered words. That a good Catholic would do, right? If he kept striving for God’s grace even when it seemed hopeless, then one day his soul would be saved.

Frank turned back to Gerard, uttering a wordless goodbye before slipping out of the club and into the alley. He and the strange brunet locked eyes for a moment, but Frank was too tired to react in any of the petty manners that crossed his mind.

The fresh night air that filled his lungs tasted heavenly after the haze of cigarette smoke that permeated the club, but a part of him wanted to step back inside for just one more breath. The night was a curt acquaintance in comparison to the warm embrace of the club.

Being already downtown, the largest church in the city wasn’t far. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find the doors locked, but it was disheartening nonetheless. He leaned back against them and slumped to the ground, staring up at the sky as he lit up a cigarette. His mouth was dry and the smoke stung his throat, but soothed him some.

The moon was out, either full or nearly full, its beams of light illuminating the rooftops and asphalt. Frank wondered if God had any hand in that elegant sight. Maybe that was his way of showing mercy to him, a desperate sinner. But even under the cross adorning the entranceway, Frank knew no God would look at him favourably now. He was falling helplessly for a truly forbidden fruit and soon he would be punished for it, once he stopped punishing himself.

He stubbed out his cigarette on the stone stoop and rose to his feet. As he began to walk home, he just hoped his parents wouldn’t pester him for being out so late. They were to start searching for a wife for him tomorrow morning and though he wouldn’t get much say, he still had to be present.

Frank fingered the collar of his shirt. It must have looked peculiar without a tie, but the only one he had wanted to wear was with Gerard. Like a ghost were there, he could almost feel the way the younger man would tug at his tie to keep his attention or pull him closer. He let his hand fall abruptly to his side. That tie would be better suited as a noose if he couldn’t get his thoughts under control.

At home, he fell asleep about as easily as he had previously. He was utterly exhausted when he awoke, having only received a few hours sleep. In a way, he was relieved to be awake early as it meant he could leave the house without anyone else noticing.

He made his way back to the church, unperturbed by the last few people trickling out from that morning’s Mass. He stood outside on the steps for a few minutes until he was certain the building was empty.

While waiting, he neared the wrought iron fence that bordered the cemetery, glancing over the angels and headstones that marked the graves. The sheer number of graves–the result of the Spanish influenza pandemic–was sobering, so he turned his eyes to the lone figure silhouetted against the morning sun. The man stood at the foot of a grave, a telltale wisp of smoke curling out of his mouth followed by a derisive laugh as he tossed the smouldering butt to the ground.

Frank hadn’t expected to see such blatant disrespect for the dead, but that soul had surely earned this man’s contempt. Maybe they didn’t even deserve to be buried here.

With the church now empty, Frank pushed opened one of the creaking ornate doors and stepped inside. He wasn’t one to be thrilled by architecture or the likes, but today was an exception. He could appreciate it because he knew he was welcome there. God wanted him there, wanted him to confess his sins and repent.

“Didn’t think I’d get to see that ass again,” Gerard’s unmistakable voice chuckled.

From facing the pulpit, Frank spun around, awestruck.

“You look like shit,” he continued, crossing his arms with a smirk from down the aisle.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Touché.”

The room was glowing with colour as light poured through the stained glass windows. The sun backlit Gerard like a halo befitting of the angel he was to Frank. An angel in a demon’s skin.

While Frank felt unsightly among all this art, Gerard couldn’t fit in anymore perfectly.


	6. It Has To Be This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take me to church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I have been super hyped designing a dnd-esque rpg set in the Danger Days universe so I had to push myself a bit to finish this. Hope it’s the nice ending you all hoped for :)

“I can assume you’re here to pray or some other religious bullshit?” Gerard scoffed, each footfall echoing off the stone floor as he neared the other man.

“Somethin’ like that,” Frank answered flatly with a brief glance at the rows of pews. “Why are you here? Somehow I find it hard to believe that you and church get along all that well.”

“You got that right. I came to see my parents. They caught pneumonia sometime ago and wound up six-feet under. I only found out yesterday.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He waved his hand dismissively, leaning against the side of the pew nearest the older man. “I’m starting to think the only thing you’re good at is staring,” he continued with a dry chuckle.

Frank’s brow knitted with indignant confusion.

“I saw you watching me in the graveyard.”

“I didn’t realize it was you.”

Gerard cocked an unbelieving eyebrow, but didn’t reply. He strolled up to the pulpit and leaned over it, his chin resting on his laced fingers.

“You shouldn’t be up there.”

“No one’s around, what’s it matter?”

“Fair enough,” Frank answered with a shrug.

There was a pained silence as the two glanced around the building to distract themselves. Frank finally steeled himself to speak again.

“Don’t you hate me for how I acted the other day?”

Gerard shook his head gently. “You didn’t mean it. I felt like shit that morning. I couldn’t think straight. And, besides, you were still reeling from whatever–I don’t know– _ thing _ snapped inside you.”

“I just felt so guilty…” the other man added quietly, frowning at the floor.

“But don’t worry,” he piped in cheerily, raising his arms dramatically, “you’re in the Lord’s house now. Everything will be just peachy.” The grin he wore melted into a smirk dripping with smugness as he leaned over the edge of the lectern.

Frank rolled his eyes. “I gotta admit i haven’t had much faith in him lately.”

“Any why is that?” Gerard pressed, batting his lashes coyly.

“‘Cause I can’t get you outta my head no matter how hard I try to or beg God to,” he responded softly, finally moving to near the other. He came around the side of the pulpit to stand right beside him.

“Aw. Isn’t that sweet of you, Frankie,” he teased, straightening up and turning to the older man.

“I’ve only got eyes for you, Gee,” he continued, in a barely audible whisper. The younger man’s chest tightened as he picked up on the seriousness of his words.

“O-oh,” he gasped, eyes wide.

“Close your eyes.”

“God will still see,” Gerard mumbled, trying to keep his charming bravado alive even with his tone failing him.

Frank cupped his face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I missed you so much,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around the other and placing his chin on his shoulder, “and I hated you for it and then I myself for it.”

“You shouldn’t hate anyone because you won’t let yourself be happy,” he murmured back after a moment of only hearing his heart pound in his ears.

Gerard pulled away and took the other’s hands, gazing into his eyes. “I’m crazy about you, Frankie. I want to be better than I am. I want to be better  _ for you _ . I’ll find a real job. I’m ditching all the booze and coke  _ for you _ . I’ll get sober ‘cause that’s what you deserve.” His voice cracked more with every word.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Gee. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“No.” The younger man shook his head. “I needed it. After you left… I coulda died… But it was a wake-up call to the hell of my own making.”

“What happened?” Frank asked, alarmed for the other.

“Too much, too fast,” the other sighed, “But I’ve got Mikey around to help now.” He noticed the forlorn look that crossed the older man’s face. “My brother,” he clarified, “He’s been with me constantly since you left, making sure I don’t… do anything bad.”

“So that’s who you were with last night at the club?”

“You were there?”

“Yeah, I… I was looking for you… But I didn’t know what to do when I saw you with another man…”

“Mikey just wanted to talk and… I don’t know I guess I needed to stay in my comfort zone? As horrible a place it is.”

Frank let out a sigh of relief, pulling the other in for a hug. Knowing the stranger Gerard was with was only his brother lifted a weight from his shoulders.

“Please don’t leave me again,” the younger man whimpered. He knew he sounded like a lost puppy. He couldn’t understand how he had become so attached so quickly, but every hour he spent sober, his world felt tilted more. Soon everything would be upside down, but he could fall right into Frank’s arms and everything would be fine.

“I won’t. I promise.”

Gerard buried his face against the other, missing his touch.

“Where’s your brother?” The older man asked slowly as they pulled away from each other, still holding hands.

“Pharmacy. Don’t worry, he knows I’m here. He’s just picking something up for me. Being sober is fucking lousy,” the other groaned, tilting his head back slightly, “The only thing worse than this is when you left.”

Frank rolled his eyes with a small smile. “Now you’re just being dramatic.”

“I’m probably just delirious,” he snorted, waving his hand flippantly.

“Have you been sleepin’?” But the answer was obviously not a good one judging from the dark circles rimming Gerard’s eyes that were certainly not makeup.

“Trying to,” Gerard answered, shrugging as he crossed his arms and turned to gaze at one of the towering stained glass windows. “But you’re hardly in any shape to pass judgement. You could use a nap and a shave.”

Frank frowned, rubbing his chin. He finally noticed the stubble growing in there. It had slipped his mind since the morning of his birthday.

“Woah, no need to get torn up about it,” the younger man continued, glancing over his shoulder with a concerned expression upon seeing the other, “It’s not like you could be in any worse shape than me. Besides.” He sauntered back over to the pulpit, his back to it as he gave Frank his full attention. “I still wouldn’t dream of giving you up.”

“You really must be losin’ your mind, then.”

“Don’t be a fool. I’m lucky someone as swell as you cares back.” He smiled coyly, resting his hands on the older man’s shoulders.

Frank narrowed his eyes. “What’s on your mind?”

“What?” Gerard asked, feigning innocence, “Am I not allowed to just be near you?”

“I’m not gonna get you coke or anythin’,” he replied firmly, “so don’t ask.”

“That’s not what I’m doing, I swear. I just miss you.” He pulled himself closer and lowered his voice. “Everything fucking hurts, Frankie. But it doesn’t bother me as much around you, and you can make me feel so much better…”

“You didn’t come see me just ‘cause you’re horny, did ya?”

“‘Course not! But it helps~” He peppered a few kisses along Frank’s neck, but the older man seized up.

“If we do anythin’, you gotta tell me you mean it. I–”

“Frankie,” Gerard sighed, pulling back to meet his gaze with doe-eyed sincerity, “I would  _ never _ use you. Hell, I’d even give you back your cash from the other night if I didn’t need it for food.”

“No need.”

“God, you’re killing me here, baby,” the younger man groaned, “You know I hate waiting.”

“I think you deserve it,” Frank teased with a smile, “And we can’t do anythin’ here, anyways. We’re in a  _ church _ , in case you forgot.”

“Maybe you’ve forgotten how much I care,” he scoffed, his fingers sliding up the nape of the other’s neck to toy with his hair.

“And what if someone catches us?”

“No one’s around, but I’ll be quiet. I promise.”

“Yeah, right,” the shorter man snorted, his eyes half-lidded as he studied his face affectionately. He had seen Gerard without makeup before, but no matter what he looked like, he was enthralling.

Gerard paused for a moment before letting go of the other. Frank watched curiously as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a length of red silk.

“You left this at my place,” the younger man hummed, moving to string the tie around the other’s neck before he was stopped. He shot Frank a quizzical look, seeing the older man seizing his wrist.

“Turn around,” he instructed, taking the tie from him and stepping back, “with your hands behind your back.”

“First, you didn’t want to do anything at all and now… this?” Gerard cocked an eyebrow, but smugness dripped through the cracks of his naïvely curious façade.

“If anythin’ goes wrong, I’m blamin’ you,” Frank jeered lightly, “ _ You’re _ the wildcard here.”

“You don’t think I can behave myself?” He asked, pouting his lip.

“Let’s find out.”

Gerard’s face twisted into a grin as he spun around, holding his wrists together behind his back as he offered them up to the other. Frank quickly looped the tie around and knotted it loose enough it wouldn’t hurt, but he got the distinct impression the younger man wouldn’t care.

“So, what sins are filling that pretty little head of yours, now that you’re feeling so bold?” Gerard cooed over his shoulder.

“We both know you know this shit better than I do.”

“Aw, c’mon~ Tell me what to do. I promise you’ll like it.”

Frank rolled his eyes, but was far from dismissing the other’s words. He ran his hands up and down Gerard’s arms absentmindedly, but he could feel his impatience. Or maybe he was trembling from drug withdrawal. Either way, the younger man was on edge and eager for a distraction. Mostly, Gerard was thankful the nausea plaguing him that morning had subsided. He couldn’t think of something that would have been more of a mood-killer.

After what felt like ages to Gerard, Frank made up his mind. He leaned forward, pressing the other down against the pulpit. 

“I was mad at you before for  _ temptin’ _ me, but really… really, I kinda missed it…”

“Oh, yeah?” Gerard hummed, pushing his hips back to grind against the other, “You only ‘kinda’ missed it? Guess I wasn’t trying hard enough before.”

“Interestin’ to hear there’s more, but that’ll have to wait. Even if we’re alone now, we won’t be forever.”

“A shame, really,” he sighed, shifting his arms slightly as they were pinned between their bodies.

“But we could have all the time in the world…”

“Don’t get all mysterious on me now, love,” Gerard snorted, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“What if we… What if we lived together? Like a real couple.”

His heart skipped a beat, the mania fading from his body for a moment.  _ A real couple? _ Was that even possible?

“It sounds lovely, but  _ please _ ,” Gerard agreed hastily, his voice rising to a whine, “We can talk later. Let’s do  _ this _ now.”

“‘Course.”

Frank gently tugged the other back by his shoulders and spun him around gently. “I’ve got one more thing to say before we do anythin’ else.”

“And what’s that?”

“I love you, Gee.”

“Don’t make this so sappy,” the other teased back, pecking a kiss on his lips. “But I love you too,” he added in a whisper that floated delicately across his cheek.

_ “A real couple _ .” The words kept playing in his head like a melody he didn’t want to forget. That and Frank confessing his love for him? It was all music to his ears. But he couldn’t help but worry he didn’t deserve any of it. No matter how hard he fought to change, he would still be the same miserably inadequate whore of a man. He almost wanted to cry.

Frank, unable to see the other’s distress, just kissed him back more intently, hands poised tenderly on his waist to steady him and keep him close. The taller man pressed into the kiss as best he could, the desperate need to touch clawing at his senses. Though his hands were bound, he felt completely safe. He could trust Frank and clearly he was willing to care about him.

Gerard reverted back to his old charade. He put on a happy face and shoved his woes into the back of his head. He could distract himself with the need flaring in his gut, even though ice-cold guilt pricked at his skin in the wake of Frank’s kind touch.

There was no money involved this time. They both wanted this to happen. It took an incredible amount of actively thinking these things to diminish his shame. The warm smile the older man offered as he pulled away was elating. He really did love him. Gerard grinned back and bent forward to nudge the other’s chest, urging him on.

“Don’t leave me waiting,” he hummed musically. He couldn’t bear being left alone with his thoughts any longer. Being sober involved too much thinking for his liking when the only things he could think of worried him.

“If you want this so badly, show me,” Frank purred, gingerly pressing down on the other’s shoulders. The younger man easily took the hint and dropped to his knees. He was a bit torn on how to feel. On one hand, he was so used to “taking a hint” that it would have been nice to have been asked, but on the other hand… well, his impatience was nagging and easily getting the better of him.

Gerard glanced up, batting his lashes once again as Frank quickly unzipped his pants to pull his length out. It seemed like a wise precaution to avoid stripping down. Anyone could walk in on them, which really only made their hearts flutter more.

Gerard gave a cute smile up at him, twisting gently in either direction as he parted his lips. He stuck out his tongue, keenly gauging the other’s reaction. Based on Frank’s flushed cheeks and dreamy smile, the younger man was having just the right effect.

With any further ado, he leaned forward, his open mouth enveloping the other’s length in one swift motion. His breath hitching, Frank petted at the other’s raven hair. He didn’t know what else to do with his hands while he basked in the still unfamiliar sensations, but he hoped he conveyed his appreciation.

Gerard clenched his hands into fists, still frustrated he couldn’t touch the other or even himself. Instead, he bobbed his head with a bit of extra enthusiasm. He didn’t particularly care how long it took, but when it came to these things, his docility told him to be good. Told him to behave himself and maybe he would be rewarded. Of course he knew there was no need for that thinking anymore. He didn’t have to misbehave as an act and he was certain Frank would listen to anything he sincerely asked of him. It would be hard to adapt to a life of people taking him seriously.

A piercing creak echoed across the pews as one of the massive wooden doors began to open. Gerard froze, still hidden behind the wooden pulpit, and Frank’s low, breathy moans ceased in an instant.

“Oh– Hi. Sorry, I’m looking for my brother.” The tall brunet explained hastily, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Frank quickly recognized the boy as the one he had seen Gerard with last night–his brother, Mikey.

“Have you seen anyone around? He promised me he’d stay on the church grounds.”

“You tried the cemetery?” The older man asked, choking back any other noises as Gerard’s head stayed still for his tongue to start gliding across his length. He leaned over the pulpit, knuckles glowing white from gripping the edge to maintain any semblance of composure.

“Yeah.” Mikey cocked his head slightly. “Are you supposed to be up there? You don’t look like a priest...” 

“Dunno. I was just, uh, takin’ a look around the place. Maybe you missed him out there? I coulda swore I just–” He stifled a gasp. “Just saw some guy out there.”

Gerard spread his knees in a weak attempt to rut against the floor. Pants were just an extra hassle he didn’t need right now, but there was no way he could go out during the day in a skirt. Really, he was fine wearing either, but skirts just made things more enjoyable. He was god Frank made no mention of it as any reassurance he wasn’t just a body to him was a blessing.

Though he had quickly identified the voice as his brother’s, teasing the older man was worth it. He would have given anything to see Frank’s face right then. He picked up the pace a bit and started bobbing his head again.

Mikey just shrugged and adjusted his glasses. “I’ll take another look, I guess. Thanks.” He turned back around and slipped back outside. It was clear he wasn’t very eager to be talking to someone else. Frank felt the same way, but their sentiments were obviously different.

As the reverberating thunder of the door shutting faded, Gerard pulled away and threw his head back against the lecturn to laugh. “Goddamn, I can’t believe that of all people,  _ Mikey _ would be the one to walk in!”

“Fuck, Gee!” Frank hissed, “I should sock you for that!”

“For what?” He asked, mimicking the innocence of an angel. It suited him well since he already looked like one.

“You know! You can do that shit with other people or  _ your brother _ around!”

“But you liked it~”

“That’s not the point.”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be a killjoy.” He nudged Frank’s thigh affectionately. “You liked being watched. He couldn’t see anything, but  _ you _ knew what was happening.” He took the other’s length down his throat to shut him up before he said anything. His lips were shiny with spit as he eventually pulled off. 

“You’ve still got the mouth of a whore,” Frank snorted.

“Insulting me? Is it smart to bite the hand that feeds?” Gerard teased slyly.

“I mean it in the best way possible,” he argued with a smile, “I mostly meant the shit you say. I thought you said you’d be quiet?” He raised a taunting eyebrow.

“I know you like it better this way. But what would you do if I didn’t shut up?”

“I guess I’d leave you here, horny and alone.”

“You’re not that cruel.”

“How do you know?” After a moment of silence, Frank took a step back and moved to tuck himself away, but stopped and listened to the other instead.

Gerard just scowled and stuck out his tongue. “Then maybe I’ve changed my mind about this,” he snorted, sticking his chin out and turning his head away childishly. “Think of what the Lord would think,” he added, unable to stop himself from smirking.

“Low blow,” Frank groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Don't remind me.”

“I was gonna swallow this time–I didn’t do that for clients. But now I don’t think you deserve anything special.”

“You complain I leave you waitin’ and then you open your mouth and won’t shut up,” Frank chuckled, crouching down and holding the other against his chest to help him to his feet.

Once again standing, the younger man tightened his thighs together, though no amount of friction was enough. His own desperation was putting him on edge, but he knew he wouldn’t be left unsatisfied in the end.

“Oh, but you know you like it,” Gerard giggled breathily against his neck before licking just under his jaw. “We’ll work on your banter sometime,” he added huskily. He placed a gentle kiss, letting his teeth graze along the skin after. The thought of angering the other again was honestly horrifying, so he chose to test the waters instead.

“It’s not worth the risk,” the older man murmured, cupping the other’s cheek to guide his face away. Gerard frowned, but obeyed. He really wanted to leave a mark, but ultimately, he knew he would do anything to make the other happy.

Frank kissed him instead which the other gladly accepted, though he began to writhe against him.

“What’s wrong?” The older man asked, holding his waist.

“God, Frankie,” Gerard groaned quietly, pinching his eyes shut, “it's a good thing you’ve got a pretty face. Nothing’s wrong, you precious sap.” He breathed a giggled to himself then jut his hips forward. “Be a doll and help me out, would ya?”

Frank nodded and undid the other’s belt for him. He pulled his pants down to his knees too, but paused and sucked in a sharp breath. Once again, the younger man was wearing panties. They were blood-red this time and pulled tight as his dick strained against them. 

“Thanks,” Gerard purred, kissing his pink cheek, “But your gawking is never subtle, baby.”

“Don’t matter,” Frank hummed, grinning as he shrugged, “Art needs to be admired, right?” He knew he sounded cheesy and that made it so much better.

Gerard rolled eyes and pecked a kiss on the other’s lips before turning around. Bending over the pulpit, he stuck his ass out for the other and swung his hips gently from side-to-side. It was easy to be tantalizing when the other man was already so terribly head over heels for him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Frank murmured, his voice turned gravelly as he held the other’s hips. His fingers flitted down to graze Gerard’s thighs, gradually moving inward to tease the sensitive flesh there. His bottom lip between his teeth, the younger man made a small, impatient whine in response.

The older man hooked his thumbs onto the waistband of the panties and tugged them partway down the other’s thighs. He rested one hand on Gerard’s bound wrists while the other traced light circles near the base of his spine.

“Should I do somethin’ to–”

“Don’t bother. I’m used to it,” Gerard answered briskly over his shoulder, a rosiness dusting his face. He was painfully hard and couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Anything the other did would feel truly godsent.

“You sure?”

The younger man’s heart fluttered at being reminded once again that Frank genuinely cared. He was furious with himself for continually forgetting that simple fact.

“Y-yeah,” he choked out, squeezing his eyes closed to steel himself. Gerard wished he could have braced himself better, but was granted some peace of mind letting the older man hold him down against the wood as he pushed inside.

“Fuck, Frankie!” He squeaked, the noise echoing enough to make him flush bright red.

Frank reacted immediately, stopping himself from going any further and instead running his hands delicately over the other’s bare skin to soothe him. “You okay, baby?”

“Y-yeah,” he replied, gazing at the wall as his cheek rested against the pulpit. “I guess it’s been longer than I thought without any prep,” he explained softly, squirming as little as possible while still trying to adjust to the tight fit.

When he soon stilled and let out a small sigh, Frank continued to push inside. As he bottomed out, Gerard released the long, broken moan caught up in his throat.

After another still moment, the older man pulled out some to thrust back in. The pair groaned with every movement, both unable to completely stifle the sounds.

While Gerard dealt with his bound hands, Frank’s freely wandered the other’s pale body. They restlessly roamed every inch of skin possible, soon pushing up under his shirt to explore his stomach and back.

With his dick completely untouched and pressed against the pulpit, all Gerard could do was focus entirely on the other’s motions. Every roll of the other man’s hips drove him wild as his fingers graced everywhere. Finally, he didn’t feel filthy for having someone touch him all over. He felt actually wanted–even prized–and it made him want to melt into the other’s arms and never come back.

Gerard rocked his hips against the other’s motions, so he hit his sweet spot. He would have killed for the older man to touch his dick, but even the cold surface of the wood was something and he wasn’t about to get choosy when Frank could just not even let him come.  _ He wouldn’t do that! _ Part of Gerard’s mind protested. Of course he knew it was right, but old habits always die hard.

He mewled weakly pressing his cheek against the pulpit to ground himself as some drool pooled there. He felt himself growing so close to climaxing and enthusiastically pressed back against Frank. The older man’s strokes grew faster and choppier as he caught on while still chasing his own climax.

Gerard’s fingers flexed agitatedly against his back as he craved release. It didn’t take much longer, though, as a particularly hard thrust drew a squeal from his throat. Panting as he kept his own moans low, Frank repeated the motion until the younger man was practically wailing. He was trembling too, but all the sounds coming from him died down into a helpless whimper as he came.

With the bliss washing over him a welcome replacement for the ache of withdrawal, it even took him a second to notice Frank coming too. While he was definitely used to the feeling of cum filling his ass, coming untouched was a new one–not that he didn’t like it. He wasn’t sure what to do about the cum plastered to the lectern now.

They could both forget they were in a church. They could forget every worry and conflict stuck like thorns in their minds. Everything was hazy and their bodies were simultaneously heavy as lead and light as air.

Though his shoulders were beginning to ache from the positioning of his arms, Gerard stayed still, save for the quivering of his thighs that he couldn’t help. It was probably just the endorphins talking, but Gerard was so completely and unabashedly enamoured by the other man.

Frank, on the other hand, soon felt his nerves return to him. He quickly pulled out and made sure he looked decent before untying the other’s wrists and shoving the tie in his pocket. As Gerard straightened up and fixed his own pants, the older man had turned around. Not to grant him privacy–there was no need to–but rather to gaze upon the massive crucifix hung on the wall.

In a humiliating act of getting rid of the evidence, Gerard wiped his cum up with his hand and licked it away. He was unconcerned with the taste, just glad no one was around to judge him. Though, when he turned around and Frank wasn’t facing him he frowned. Even if he felt a little gross doing that, he still wanted the other’s attention.

“Hey,” he crooned, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around him, “I’m so fucking lucky to have you, baby. And we’re so fucking lucky no one caught us.” He added the second part with a breathy giggle.

“Yeah,” Frank agreed distantly.

“Love, you should stop worrying about the opinion of some long-dead prick who never got laid.”

“I’m trying…” he sighed, “We shouldn’t have done anythin’  _ here _ .”

“Too late now. I’d do anything for you. I love you. Who’s this bastard to get in the way of that?” Gerard spun the other around and held him tightly as he kissed him. Frank couldn’t resist grinning against his lips, finally managing to kiss back after a moment. They pulled away eventually, Frank leaning against the other’s chest as the younger man petted and comforted him.

“Do you get this sensitive every time you cum?” He snickered, but was content to keep the other close.

“Shuddup,” he replied, words muffled but still harmless.

“It’s raining,” Gerard hummed, gazing at the windows. Rain pattered down on the stained glass, casting contorted shadows across the ground. A panel depicting Mary seemed to cry as rain water trickled down her glossy surface.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna meet my parents?” The younger man asked suddenly with a smug look on his face.

“Didn’t they pass away?”

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re still dead. But they still haven’t met the love of my life.” He took Frank’s hand and led him out of the church.

The steady drizzle of rain plastered their hair to their heads, but Gerard was insistent. He hung onto the others arm, leading the other to the matching headstones he had been visiting earlier.

“Mom, Dad,” he said with a sickly sweet tone, “meet Frank. Frank, meet my bastard fucking parents.”

“It’s a pleasure,” he snorted, nodding politely to each grave.

Gerard laughed up into the sky and cling to the other man before dragging him over to the mausoleum. They leaned against the stone wall, protected by the lip of the roof.

“I need to get away from the noise of the city,” the younger man sighed, lighting up a cigarette as he stared off pensively, “Mikey inherited the house… We could live there… but we could just run away into the country. No one to bother us there.”

“Both sound wonderful,” Frank added, taking the pack of cigarettes and lighting one for himself, “but I don’t care where I am as long as you’re there too.”

“We’ll be like a real couple,” he continued with a dreamy wistfulness to his words.

“We  _ are  _ a real couple, Gee. I’ll fuckin’ sock anyone who says otherwise.”

“Yeah. Not just two hopeless fags and sinners. No, fuck that. I’m fucking fed up with all that and all the names.”

“I want us both to be comfortable with who we are, but… it’s not safe to.”

“I know…” Gerard hummed sadly with a long drag of his cigarette, “Just wishful thinking, I guess. But you’ll stick it out with me?”

“Of course. Secret or not, I’m not leavin’ you.”

“Thanks, Frankie.”

“Promise me you won’t go back.”

“Hm?”

“Back to the drugs and the meaningless sex.”

“I’d never go. Even if I lost you, I just couldn’t… I was so fucking stupid…”

Frank took a drag before speaking again. “Gee?”

“Yes, love?”

“Do you think love is blind?”

“It must be if you fell for this junkie whore. Either that or–” Gerard paused to snort to himself. “Or you’re just a chump.”

“Well, I can’t be a chump because I would never leave you.” He flicked his cigarette into the rain where it disappeared into the grass, a soggy clump.

“You may not think it,” the younger man hummed, tossing his cigarette away to join the other discarded one, “But you’re a good man. Far better than you’ll ever realize.”

“I’m just another sword in Mary’s heart,” Frank answered with a dry laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if I’ll write another MCR fic, to be honest with you. If I do, it would probably be with the Fabulous Killjoys. What do you guys think? Could I do them justice?


End file.
